A Betoota boyfriend of one has nailed the brief to disappointing level of accuracy and organised a date that really fulfilled the ‘doesn’t have to be anything fancy’ guidelines.

Not one for reading between the lines, hopeless unromantic Claudio Peele (28) prepared for his first Valentines Day with girlfriend Sara Dunn (30) by point blank asking her exactly what she wanted to do.

“I told him it doesn’t have to be anything fancy,” stated Dunn, in a language that sounds a lot like English, but has subtle cues that Peele missed.

“Of course it doesn’t have to be fancy. Just like when you think about it, an orange doesn’t have to be peeled. A car doesn’t have to have petrol, chefs don’t have to chainsmoke, Sunrise doesn’t have to cater to racists.”

Unfortunately for Dunn, her dreams of being whelmed by her partner, who is yet to receive full approval from her social circle, were squashed when she rocked up to his place only to be served a menu of noodles that arrived in Peele’s home with reheating instructions on the packet.

“Yeah, in this economy I wasn’t expecting something actually fancy. Something thoughtful might have been good though.”

While his girlfriend was obviously disappointed by an evening of instant noodles and Wii U mini games, the forever punching Dunn states he fulfilled the request to the best of his understanding.

“I asked her if what I did was OK and she said “it’s fine OK” so don’t worry, it’s all good,” stated Peele, who might miss the Bathurst 1000 if it drove through his unvacuumed living room.

“Also, turns out the term ‘punching’ doesn’t mean what I think it means. I thought it meant that your face isn’t pretty but presumably you’ve got a piece between your legs that has a fist-like girth and punching ability which is therefore why you’d attract a beautiful partner. Turns out it means ‘punching above your weight’ which isn’t a compliment at all! It’s basically saying she’s too good for me! What’s fun about that? You guys are dicks!”


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