ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A dishevelled city worker hailed the G34 bus up the hill to Betoota Heights tonight and proceeded to pay the $3.20 fare with an assortment of silver coins, according to a popular structural engineer.
Lucas Patel stood in awe at Jake Mullins, who held the bus up for close to ninety seconds while he tried to get the change together in his hand.
“You’d think he’d just be a tourist here or something, or a visiting businessman, wouldn’t you?” said Lucas.
“But no, he’s not. I know him and he’s lived in Betoota his whole life. He plays for the Dolphins and the Dugongs. He’s Jake Mullins,”
“Which makes me wonder why he hasn’t got a PelicanPass. Everybody in town has one. You basically need one to get the MetroLine and the tram. How does he manage his life? I want to know how he functions on a day to day level. Does he use coins to pay the gas bill?”
However, as much as Lucas’ curiosity got the better of him, our reporter phoned Jake shortly after concluding the interview with Mr Patel.
The Advocate got to the bottom of the storm.
“Fuck getting the bus, bruz,” he said.
“I make a great salary. I’ve got no kids, no wife, no mortgage. There’s no excuse why I shouldn’t have a deadly whip sitting in my drive,”
“My car broke down and I couldn’t be fucked walking up the hill. The bus was coming and I thought, ‘Fuck it, why not? Why not live a little and get the bus like some paid-by-the-month-Tarocash-cuck?’ so I just got on and the bloke asked me for money. And here we are,”
Our reporter considered the matter closed.
More to come.