LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has proved he’s on a real censuring kick this week and will be moving to censure his barista for playing Mumford & Sons.
The movement to censure the barista is believed to have started at Marrickville cafe Billy’s Deli, an oasis in a gentrifying neighbourhood that Albo frequents as the playlist is dimotiki heavy, the coffee is still only $3 for a large and none of the other regulars know who he is or at least don’t give a shit if they do.
Today however, Albo’s usually carefree morning routine was absolutely shattered as Billy’s son/barista Billy Junior took charge of the playlist.
“Faaark me Junior, no banjos before breaky! No banjos at all!” Albo is reported to have yelled at young Billy as Mumford & Sons played.
“The parliament will go forward with a censure motion for you Billy, the member for cooked.”
Albo then demanded Billy Junior respond to the censure which he was unable to do as Billy is like the rest of Australia and has no idea what the fuck a censure is.
“Don’t worry mate, it doesn’t actually do anything.”
“It’s like how they used to bite their thumbs at each other in Shakesperian times. Actually, that might have been worse.”
“But seriously mate, no Mumford and fucking Sons ever again OK?”
“Also did you move the Equal sachets? You can’t just change this shit when your dad’s not here mate.”