CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Australia’s most attractive, wealthy and cultured citizens are seemingly immune to the potentially fatal effects of COVID-19, that’s according to the 20,000 plus morons who decided it was appropriate to mob Bondi Beach yesterday afternoon.
Images showing Sydney’s premiere Eastern Suburbs public space packed with locals and eastern suburbs holidayers yesterday has resulted in social media backlash – with the rest of the nation now asking every Bondi resident the age old question of HDAYC? (How Are Dumb Are You Cunt?)
The photos were taken merely hours after the government introduced drastic new restrictions non-essential indoor gatherings in an effort to slow the spread of coronavirus.
As of this minute the number of Australians who have contracted the coronavirus is nearing the 1000 mark, as authorities lose track of the index cases and the virus begins to spread freely amongst citizens.
It is for this reason the government is now putting the foot down on social-distancing and individual hygiene measures.
In addition to the existing limit of no more than 100 people in an indoor space, Scotty announced there should be no more than one person per four square metres. This is on top of existing advice to keep 1.5m of ‘social distance’ where possible, in any situation.
However, one local Bondi resident Cambo Parade (35) says these instructions obviously aren’t meant for beautiful people like him.
“Those new rules are only for the westies haha” said Cambo, whose own housemate just returned from a 3 months yoga retreat in California yesterday morning
“Or, like, people, in Chinatown.”
Cambo’s girlfriend Bronte agrees.
“But seriously, like, what are the chances anyone down on the beach yesterday has the Coronavirus?”
“I can understand the tourists probably shouldn’t be down there, because it’s not really for them anyway.. But most of us residents have been working from home all week – we deserve a bit of a swim and few drinks at the Beachy if we feel like it”
When informed by our reporters that the liklihood of someone in a transient and affluent suburb Bondi beach carrying COVID-19 is actually much higher than any other coastal region, Cambo and his girlfriend Bronte dismissed the claims as jealousy.
“Haha Jesus. Sounds like a lot of people on facebook wish they had something like this on their doorstep” said Cambo.
“What do they expect us to do? Just sit inside and watch TV like bogans? Haha get real”
“I haven’t seen this much hysteria since I was in Italy last month”