A new friendship came within a shred of happening today as two metalheads got to know each other a little bit.

Hanging out at the metalhead magnet that is a Nordic themed bar, metal enthusiasts James Beardly and Jesse Tohu figured they might have a good yarn as they were both wearing shirts with band names written in a font only they could read.

After sharing stories about times they were horrifically injured in mosh pits, the two ordered a round of mead and began the conversation that would show just how different these identical people were.

“Did you seriously put St Anger in there?” blurted Tohu after hearing Beardly’s responses to a fairly simple question about ‘desert island albums’.

“Dave Mustaine was all the talent in Metallica, it left when he did.”

Upon realising that his almost-friend was now his musically challenged inferior, Beardly immediately began an uncompromising rebuke of several of Tohu’s earlier comments about metal.

“That is the most cooked thing I have ever heard and for what it’s worth Megadeth aren’t thrash, how has no one corrected you yet?” demanded Beardly, upon learning he was sitting at the children’s table.

“Bet you own a six string you fucken’ rookie.”  

“And ’88 was a great year for metal you dickhead.”

What followed was a mutually slanderous discussion that continued until the bar they frequented was no longer a profitable business.

Although the two metalheads stated they will hate each other until death, they agreed to meet up next weekend and waste each other’s time all over again.


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