ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison is facing a censure motion in Parliament over his controversial measures to make sure government didn’t collapse during the height of the pandemic.

Later this week, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese will lead the motion against Mr Morrison for making himself a secret co-minister for various portfolios without telling the minister themsevlves.

Mr Morrison told this masthead that he thinks “it’s all been blown out of proportion” and that “people need to relax”.

“Bloody hell!” remarked the Member For Cook during a telephone call with our reporter today.

“You’d think I’d come into his house, lowered by Gazmans and just shit on his rug the way he’s carrying on. Mate, it’s all over. It’s done. Nobody cares. You know what? I knew this would happen when he did me in the election. They’d come for me and make me look like a tin pot dictator. It was easier for Albo during the pandemic. Just sit on his hands out the back of the Red Rattler and call me a useless prick,”

“Oh man. I mean, forgive the comparison but I feel a bit like Saddam Hussein here. There’s a change of government and then all of a sudden, they’re planning to take you out the back and bloody hang you like a cheap painting!”

“Speaking of paintings, that’s one of the worst parts about being the new PM. When I rolled Malcolm, I had to take all of his stupid art off the walls of The Lodge. I just had nothing on the walls, like a normal person,”

“Anyway, maybe they’ll make a statue of me after the Labor Party is done doing me like William Wallace in the Mel Gibson documentary.”

More to come.


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