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Betoota French Quarter resident Henry Woolbrook (36) has gotten married and had two kids since the pandemic.
No longer is his day to day life dictated by public health measures. No longer is he overwhelmed by the sheer anxiety of daily case numbers and ever-changing border closures.
The days of jumping at every chance to get as drunk as humanly possible with whatever mates are willing to break the law alongside him are over. As is the obscure diet and exercise habits he developed
He’s a different man since the infantilising experience of pandemic lockdowns. Some would say, he’s grown up a lot. He’s no longer the type of bloke that goes searching for the shittest pub within his radius, in a mission to find an apathetic publican who doesn’t give a fuck about him standing up while binge drinking.
In this day and age, there is not a chance in the world he would donate his jobkeeper payments straight back to the government through the reverse ATM (pokie machines).
He’s a father now. Those days are over. Never to come back.
But many of those regrettable moments DO keep coming back to him, in his email inbox.
This comes three or so years after the state governments mandated that pub patrons could only visit pubs if they used the QR code check-in technology through their respective state governments Mobile Apps, that somehow ended up gifting all of their personal details to the low breed pubs they visited.
“This is hell” he tells The Betoota Advocate.
“I was a single bloke back then. I had nothing better to do”
“I don’t need it kept on permanent record that I visited these absolute shit holes”
“These were the kind of joints that just let us vape inside”
Henry says had he known the government was going to pass on his personal details to these hospitality venues, then he would’ve entered fake details.
“I held up my end of the deal. I let them know my details in case I was involved in a super spreader event. Even though that would be technically impossible, given the fact that these pubs were completely empty except for me and my mates and some foreign speaking glassie”
“The beer didn’t even taste that good. They wouldn’t have cleaned their lines in years. But we weren’t there for a tasting”
“Anyway, they’ve got a new happy hour special for the entire duration of lent if anyone’s keen”
