12 July, 2016. 10:05
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Local teenager, Ed Harper can’t stand up right now.
For fear of being asked by his English teacher to help contribute to a English problem on the white board, the 15-year-old is currently sitting in complete silence while praying to whatever God will listen to his desperate pleas to be left alone until it goes soft.
Ed is currently experiencing a physiological phenomenon triggered by the parasympathetic division of his autonomic nervous system, which has caused nitric oxide levels to rise in the trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his phallus – something that is hard to explain to his 55-year-old morbidly obese female teacher explaining the grammatical intricacies of Shakespeare’s MacBeth.
“Please God, Please, Please, Please Please… Whoever is out there! Please not me. Please wait until it goes down” he prays, while fiddling with his waist line.
With his arteries dilating and now causing the corpora spongiosum to fill with blood – simultaneously Mr Harper’s ischiocavernosus and bulbospongiosus muscles are now compressing the veins of the corpora cavernosa and restricting the egress and circulation. In other words, he is pointing North.
Harper is not aware of how this particular erection came to be, but as he has learnt throughout the last few years of puberty, he very seldom needs a reason to bar up.
“I reckon it was all Ms Boston’s talk of those witches in MacBeth,”
“I kind of imagined that they dress like prostitutes who just love doing it 24/7”
“Or like Hermione from Harry Potter, man she is hot,”