Local COVID-Coward, Melodie Uptown, has begun her two weeks in hotel quarantine today – after finally pulling the pin of that miserable megacity of wet weather and vulnerable pensioners known as London.

That’s according to her Instagram, which is now littered with very boring stories from inside a serviced apartment in Betoota’s CBD.

Friends and extended family are making sure to not ask any questions about why the 25-year-old marketing professional has moved back home, but many just assume that her return to Australia is yet another example of COVID-Cowardice.

COVID-cowards, or COVID-Cats, is a term associated with white collar Australian expats living overseas, who simply choose to run away from their r

They are characterised by their lack of long-term responsibilities, and a big enough financial safety net that allows them to just quit their jobs in London or New York and come back to Australia to chill out.

With no deaths in the family, and no upcoming weddings, and a job that seemed to be going quite well – Melodie’s decision to come back home seems to be based purely on her jealousy of witnessing friends back in Australia now able to party with loosened restrictions.

However, her decision to hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE and start fresh as an unemployed Australian living with her parents is not surprising – considering she only left Australia because she wanted to live her Carrie Bradshaw-type life in an apartment in a ‘real city’.

Now with lockdowns ravaging the major international cities that are most frequented by Australians, it seems that the grass is far more greener on the previous side of the fence.

When eventually asked by our reporters about why she decided to quit her upper-middle-marketing job, Melodie gives a half-baked response and says she really just wanted to get back and spend some quality time with her 67-year-old grandmother who still works full time as a school teacher.

She also says she wants to see the pet puppy that her mum and dad bought in 2019.



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