As is often the case when the Prime Minister puts his phone on flight mode and takes off for one of his trimonthly family holidays, it seems the Coalition Government is once again at the point of collapse.

As has been reported diligently by The Betoota Advocate this week, the National Party looks as though they might be headed for yet another leadership spill – as their leader Michael McCormack again fumbles in his role as Acting Prime Minister.

After a week of spectacularly tone deaf gaffes that saw the Deputy Prime Minister compare the US Capitol insurgents with Aboriginal rights protestors, referred to Job Seeker recipients as ‘Lounge Lizards’ and refused to condemn the spread of misinformation regarding vaccines within his own party – the Acting Prime Minister Michael McCormack has reminded the public of just how ordinary the coalition government looks when they are being fronted by a marketing professional.

In fact, the last 72-hours of National Party incompetence has been so distressing for their Liberal colleagues that someone has finally managed to get hold of the Prime Minister, via a WhatsApp message to his wife’s phone.

While he reclines on a pool chair in a discreet cashed-up-bogan resort and sips on a virgin Tequila Sunrise, Scott Morrison’s face turns a slight shade of crimson as he is informed of just how badly his Deputy has fucked up this week.

“Oh no… Oh Dear Frank Houston NO!” he mutters, while talking to his flustered media advisor.

“Okay… Give me a minute… what do we do here….”

Morrison thinks long and hard.

“Oh boy I knew we should have never left this toothless hicks in charge” the Prime Minister snarls, with a subconscious throwback to his old Bronte blue blood self.

“You got your notepad? Good”

“Okay. Remember that little media workshop we gave Abbott during the election?”

His advisor remembers.

“Okay. You remember? Good? Okay. We need to put the same measures on McCormack”

“Except this time I want that 48mm x 18.29m duct tape. The grey stuff. Not the flexible shit”

“We need it to wrap it a couple times as well because he’s not gonna stop talking otherwise”

“You got that? good”

“Okay send me a message on this phone when he’s tarped up and I’ll be turning my phone back off”

“Don’t contact me again. Remember I’m still on holidays and no one deserves a holiday more than me after this year. Surely you know that”

“… Yehh… Yeah I know you know, I’m sorry. I just get a bit frustrated mate”

“Okay well I’ll speak to you in a week. I love you”


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