LOUIS BOURKE | Editor | Contact
In the wake of French electronic duo Daft Punk splitting up, men, women & children all over the world have lamented this great loss to music while listening to their favourite track from the band’s 28 years of releasing records.
“I still can’t believe they’re gone,” stated start-up CEO Mick Hugel (38), loud enough for all his employees to know that he’s cool.
“They were my actual favourite, like my actual. 2021 is already worse.”
According to employees of Hugel, following the split of Daft Punk their bereaved boss has somehow turned their multi-purpose open plan Old City District shared office space into a more depressing and alienating space than it ever was before.
“He asked me to come in early which is a bit rich because I get in at 7am every day anyway and he asks me for help setting up a record player because he was crying so much. Then he forced me to listen to Human After All in its entirety while making eye contact with me the whole time,” stated one employee.
“I mean, I like Daft Punk too, I had One More Time go off at a school disco but good grief, Mick has been smashing them non-stop except to maybe interject to say something like ‘they did this album in six weeks’ or ‘listen carefully and you can hear Tim Gane’s vocals.’”
However Hugel is not alone in his newfound passion for smashing Daft Punk like they’ve actually died or something, as millions of listeners around the world plug them so severely the late duo might actually make some money from music streaming services.
Taking the time to invite his staff to drown his sorrows with some work drinks, Hugel continued his competitive sadness before meeting his Daft Punk depressed fanboy match; a venue owner who has just done a bit of rack.
“Brother, I saw them before they had the masks in a nightclub under a brothel in Toulouse,” stated publican Benny Brightly, as he nursed the very recent Daft Punk memorial tattoo he claimed would never fully heal.
“In was the filthiest fucking thing but we knew they were going to be stars mate, it’s in the energy and stars never die.”
“Stars die all the time, it’s really common in the universe actually, so you only saw them once then? I saw them every time they came to Australia and a couple of times in Montreal when I was working as a music journo which is why I have Homework signed on cassette,” stated Hugel.
“Nah brother, I saw them so many times Guy and Tom started recognising me and would ask me to sort them out rack every time they came over. I was probably backstage while you were in the crowds those nights.”
According to witnesses who were forced to flee the scene, Brightly ordered his staff to turn up the all Daft playlist he had been cranking since Wednesday while the two continued to share Daft Punk related stories, pausing only to show well they remember each lyric of Technologic.