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Australia’s world-renowned Outback Chinese restaurants have today been rated as the most viable industry in Western Queensland, according to a recent report by the Australian Financial Review.

For the first time ever, the sector has been listed number one, just ahead of roo-shooting, poker machine gambling and professional sport. AFR analysts believe their industries stronghold comes after years of crippling drought as well as an intrusive State Government’s new controversial land clearing policies.

A statement from Jenny Cho, spokesperson for the Chinese-Australian Restauranteurs Association, indicates that regionally based Chinese restaurants are only going to increase profits in the next year.

“The increased interest shown by China towards Western Queensland has seen sales of Chinese food jump 300% in regional areas, and this is only going to improve,”

“That’s not forgetting the non-Chinese interest shown by young Western families and people who are banned from the pubs,”

“When all hope is lost, the local Chinese restaurant will always be there to serve even the most unsavoury Queenslanders ice cold Crown Lagers,”

“Not to mention the state-wide standard of $2 corkage per head, not per bottle,”

“It is these kinds of business decisions that have seen Australian-Chinese restaurant industry hold such an impenetrable share of regional Australian hospitality.”

This report comes at the same time as the announcement from an independent governing body of Queensland farmers that suggests the sector has finally conceded there’s no future in agriculture outside of the roaring hemp trade in the state’s South-East.

Instead they’re urging the Palaszczuk Labor-Greens government to accept a generous offer from China for every Queensland farming property and turn them into National Parks and solar farms.

“It’s probably the best chance we’ve all got to exit the industry with some dignity and a few quid, “ said Queensland Federated Farm Folk president Tom Tucker .

“Labor and the Greens are on the right track when they say you can have farms or you can have the Great Barrier Reef – but you can’t have both. ” he said .

Mr Tucker says that in the end, he and his members could not live with themselves if US President  Barack Obama and his family missed out on the chance to enjoy a scuba-diving holiday in Queensland.

“Cripes, the Premier has already invited them and offered to shout them the trip.”

The issue then became how the QFFF could sell this radical plan to farmers.

“Well that was pretty straight-forward” Mr Tucker said .

“Its been pretty obvious for a while that neither the State Labor Government or the Greens saw any future for farming, we just needed to convince some of the older cockies that the jig was up.”

“We then contacted the Chinese when the Kidman sale was blocked and asked if they would interested in the whole fucking country?“.

“At first they thought it was just another one of Barnaby Joyce’s election campaign gags, but we convinced them that we were dead serious over a stupendous buffet at the Golden Boat Restaurant in Cairns,”

“While the precise details of who-gets-what remain confidential, Mr Tucker said he doesn’t anticipate any last-minute objections from the Foreign Investment Review Board .

“The Trade Minister has convinced the Treasurer that this deal is a win-win all round ‘cos it wedges Labor into a sell-out that looks like a win for the Greens  . “

And at the same Tom Tucker suggests it’s a diplomatic face-saver . “

“Let’s face it, we were starting to look like mugs in Beijing .”

“FTA or not, one of our members couldn’t even get development approval for a Chinese massage joint in Quilpie “ he said.

“When that happened, their biggest circulation English-language newspaper, China Daily had  a crack at us in a thundering editorial headed CHOW MEAN.”

Under the terms of the deal, China takes over all freehold and leasehold property rights, manages them as National Parks and establishes solar farms from Cape York to Cunnamulla.

“Its taken a bit of doing, but Queensland can now REALLY claim to be the Sunshine State.”


  1. However, agricultural economists estimate that the country will need to produce 5,000 tonnes of MSG per annum to meet the restaurant’s demand. This will require 10,000 hectares of prime agricultural land to grow wheat, as the main input. Hopefully, one of the large Korean agricultural companies will be able to buy such a property and enter into a JV with a Japanese manufacturer of MSG to meet the demand. Otherwise, the effect on our balance of trade will be horrendous!


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