WHEN YA SAY IT LIKE THAT I SPOSE: The Federal Government has today announced plans to tackle the fact that almost every teenager seems to be addicted to nicotine, after spending the entire pandemic locked down in their bedrooms puffing on artificially flavoured chemical vapour that was willingly sold to them at supermarket and corner shops.

Rates of nicotine addiction amongst young people appear to be higher than when cigarettes were still allowed in school in the 1970s.

Although there is one key difference, health experts and politicians actually know what’s inside cigarettes. This is not the case with the exotic fruit flavoured vapes that have been manufactured in China and sold under the counter to kids in school uniforms without any checks or balances for the best part of a decade.

However, in a political system that is only interested in catering to the concerns of over 55s – the desperate pleas of parents, teachers and kids themselves have gone unheard.

Until now, years after this catastrophic health crisis first became evident – the Australian government has decided it’s time to act.

According to Federal Health Minister Mark Butler, the imports of non-prescription vapes will be blocked, and flavoured, scented or high nicotine cartridges will be restricted.

Despite most of the public already under the impression that these vapes were illegal to begin with, the government has vowed to make them more illegal. But it is not yet clear how they plan to do that because we’ve currently got millions of Australians that will be forced to endure the unpleasant symptoms of nicotine withdrawals – decades after anti-smoking legislation and advertising was first introduced.

With convenience stores’ opening up on almost every corner of every high street, it is not yet known why Australian lawmakers have decided to wait this long to address an issue that has been causing unprecedented behaviour issues in high schools and family households around the country.

“Guess we better stop this” said the Health Minister.

“Also remember to get your booster. Think about the elderly”


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