One of Australia’s most iconic war-time Prime Ministers, Scott Morrison MP has today announced that he will retire from politics at the end of February when Federal Parliament returns for 2024.

In a statement on Facebook, of course, Morrison revealed that he was finally leaving politics after 16 years, inorder to “take on new challenges in the global corporate sector and spend more time with my family”.

This announcement has surprised voters, who effectively voted Morrison out of power due to his inability to go six months without taking some sort of holiday, even in the midst of record-breaking bushfires and pandemics.

It is also not yet known what Morrison means by the ‘the global corporate sector’.

Many have assumed he is likely talking about taking up work as a TV evangelical preacher working for the global Pentecostal megachurches.

This is, given the well publicised fact that multiple corporate employers have openly turned down his application for hire. Namely, the embattled consultancy firm PwC and several major banks.

Without any options in the real world, Morrison just plugged away on the Opposition’s backbench for 18 months after his landslide defeat to a meek and hardly visible Albanese, seemingly unaware of the generational damage he has caused a party that should have stayed in power for all of eternity with 80% of the Australian media landscape openly cheering for them.

However, in true Morrison fashion, he has never taken responsibility for this – just as he’s never taken responsibility for the bungled immunisation roll-out, scandalous Hawaain holiday, the notorious mistreatment of women in his party, and the many suicides caused by the illegal Robodebt algorithm.

Morrison’s departure from parliament will force a by-election for the southern Sydney seat of Cook, which he has held since 2007 after white-anting a much more popular Lebanese-Australian candidate with defamatory rumours and religious bigotry during the pre-selection process.

However, despite the fact that this news of the Liberal Party cutting off their most visible deadwood is making headlines around the country, One Australian voter could’ve sworn this had all been dealt with back in 2022.

“I swear I voted to boot this clown 18 months ago” says local warehouse worker, Pete De La Cruz (55, Betoota Flight Path Distict).

“I would’ve thought he was on stage happy clapping full time by now. Seriously. How hard is it to get rid of the bloke”

“No doubt I’ll be paying for his retirement as well”


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