A 70-year-old military veteran and a 25-year-old Melbourne creative formed an unlikely bond last week, after discovering they both have seen some horrific things in Naarm.

Denny Redgum (70), a Queensland military veteran was called up for duty once again – after being ordered to take one of his granddaughters to see Taylor Swift in Victoria.

What he encountered while having a solitary beer at a Melbourne pub shocked him.

While sipping his beer out of what locals call a ‘pint’ and gazing at the strange AFL memorabilia on the wall, Denny spotted a young bloke looking down and out.

“I went over to the young lad, who must have had some sort of strange illness because his hair was blue, and we got to chatting.” said Denny.

The young lad was Riley Goodlife (25), a tortured Melbourne creative that doesn’t really like putting a label on what he actually does for a living.

What came out of Riley’s mouth shocked the senior war veteran.

“Naarm man, the place just chews you up and spits you out. It’s left me with the kind of scars you cannot see” said Riley.

“My trauma, bro. It’s valid”

Denny took pity on Riley, while also trying to do the maths on when his new acquaintance would have actually seen live combat, and whether Riley was also an innocent young man conscripted to fight in a bloody imperialist American war, only to be spat at and labelled a baby killer by unwashed hippies waiting for him at the airport when he arrived home.

Riley went on to explain that he was suffering trauma regardless.

“This war in Naarm isn’t a traditional war” said Riley

“More like a war against struggling creatives like me who are forced to grapple with having to work a part time job that doesn’t satisfy my creative desires.” Riley said.

“Plus, I’ve had a whole string toxic housemates who are so quick to turn to microaggressions over simple things like washing the dishes or taking the bins out. They don’t recognise the trauma they cause me, and they definitely don’t understand that my recent ADHD diagnosis means I struggle with simple tasks like cleaning up after myself”

“A lot of my art come from this war I’ve had to fight in Naarm. But at the end of the day, it’s a rich man’s war. Fuck my landlord”

Denny, not entirely sure about what Riley was talking about at this point, suggested he go down to his local RSL and see if there’s any support down there.

However, Riley says that wasn’t an option because he hates the shitty music they play and is ideologically opposed to poker machines.

“Me too son, me too” says Denny.


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