World News

Trump Appoints New FBI Director To Investigate Especially Heinous Crimes

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT President Trump has today given a tour of the White House to his newly appointed FBI Director, Sergeant Fin Tutuola from the New York Police Department's Special Victims Unit. Speaking to the media today, Trump was quick to point out that as a proud New Yorker, it was imperative that he had an FBI director with the same kind of...

Australia Actually Going To Send Someone Good To Eurovision Next Year, Like Thirsty Merc

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite a bold performance by our very own Isaiah Firebrace at the Eurovision Song Contest grand final in Kiev last night - Australian organisers have today confirmed that they are actually going to send a sure bet next year. Isaiah looked a little nervous during his internationally broadcasted gig as he negotiated the pressure of following in the footsteps of...

Trump Suggests Lucy Turnbull Join Melania In The Kitchen While The Men Talk

 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Former-Lord Mayor of Sydney and high-profile Australian businesswoman has today learnt that her illustrious career and emotional intelligence is not really something that matters when dining with a former-reality TV star who became President. Mrs Turnbull joined her husband, President Donald Trump and first lady Melania Trump to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the Battle...

Lynx Targets Tech Start Up Market With New Fragrance: Elon’s Musk

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Serial entrepreneur Elon Musk has teamed up with Anglo-Dutch company Unilever to create his own fragrance, which is set to be on shelves worldwide by the end of the year. Lynx Elon's Musk is a 'labour of love' for the South African-born businessman, who said he's always wanted to enter the fragrance market but didn't have the...

World Runs Out Of Obscure Animals For Indie Bands To Name Themselves After

LEROY PERCIVAL | Music Editor | CONTACT The World Wildlife Federation (WWF) has today conceded it has run out of animals across the globe for indie bands to use in their names. There has been an explosion in recent years with acts like Husky, Fleet Foxes, Gorillaz and Boy & Bear joining the likes of The Eagles, The Monkees and The Byrds in chucking an...

Hundreds Of Rich Kids Stranded In Bahamas Not Livin’ It Up

The hundreds of rich kids currently stranded in the Bahamas after spending upwards of $12,000 each to attend Ja Rule's failed 'luxury' music festival, say they had very different perceptions of what it means to be livin' it up. Organisers of the much-hyped music festival in the Bahamas have given up on the weekend event halfway through, after people had already...

Local North Korean infantryman reveals it’s ‘super tiring’ to march like this

26 April, 2017. 10:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 29-year-old North Korean soldier revealed to The Advocate this morning that marching like they do in the Hermit Kingdom is quite exhausting. Sur-Ri Park, of Pyongyang, said he can only keep it up for about half and hour, then it just becomes 'too much' for his legs to keep doing. "It's a...

Trump Turns His Attention To Logan After Local Resident Declares He’ll ‘Bomb Any C–t’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT President Donald Trump has today turned his attention to another hostile overseas region that has been the centre of anti-American, anti-Authoritative rhetoric. The former-reality TV host and current world leader has said that he's received intelligence about a prominent figure in Queensland's South-East corner that has been making wild threats of hostility towards outsiders. "I have received word...

Turnbull Allows Adani To Temporarily Airlift Uluru, Just To See If There’s Any Coal Under It

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT During his current visit to India to meet with state leaders and the humble director of our government's favourite multinational mining corporation, Guatam Adani, Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has quickly signed off on the coal magnates request to use up to six CH-47 Chinook heavylift helicopters to briefly airlift Uluru. Just in case there is any coal...

Syria Already Looking Way Better After 70 American Tomahawk Missile Strikes

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Trump administration says Syria is already looking "much much better" after a dramatic intervention triggered by a horrific gas attack on civilians, which the US says was carried out by the President Bashar al-Assad. "It's looking great" says Trump press secretary Sean Spicer. "The USA has already brought peace to millions of people in Syria. You wouldn't even...

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