The Nation

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Whoever said romance is dead? With dating apps now the preferred method of finding people to bump genitals with, it’s nice to once in a while hear a story about young love blooming the traditional (some would say natural) way. Such a tale unfolded for baker Paul Lombardo (26) who received a romantic tip from his aunty Alice about a...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Waking up with a severely parched mouth, a groggy Dave rolls over onto the side of his bed and attempts to feel around for a cup of water. It’s rumoured that the Betoota Heights local had insisted on having a quiet one the night before, which was impossible given that he lives with four other people all under...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local woman Jessica Langdon is back into the dating scene after redownloading all the dating apps for the fourth time this year alone. Unlike the other times, which involved a lot of matches but no conversations, Jessica has finally managed to wrangle a bloke into having dinner with her. But unfortunately for Jessica, her current date isn’t exactly...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A new announcement from Prime Minister, Scotty from Marketing, could see the next election be a social movement in more ways than one. During one of the press conferences he must surely think people want to see more of, Scotty announced a new plan. “I know how this is affecting Australians because I am also an Australian,” stated Scotty...

It’s something every Australian has had to deal with at some point in their life and today we are being rewarded for our bravery and skill. In an announcement to the press earlier today, the president of the X Games revealed that running over wet tiles in thongs will be included as a sport at this year’s event. “We are very excited about the...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact A ground-breaking report carried out by the Participation Union of National Teams (PUNT) has found an unlikely hero responsible for keeping NRL fans interested in the more disappointing and boring matches played during the 2020 season – namely every Brisbane Broncos game. The report reveals that same game multis are solely responsible for keeping people engaged in the games,...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Science classes at Betoota High hit a new low yesterday when students were asked to boil a beaker of water and plot the temperature on a chart, marking the third time they have performed a variant of the same experiment in the past month. “This is bullshit” said Year 7 student David Tubbergh. “All the good experiments are banned...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Eying a bottle of emergency vodka nestled behind a can of Milo, local woman Tegan Wallis silently weighs up the pros and cons of taking a sneaky shot while no one’s looking. The frazzled mum had never been one to dip into the silly sauce before the pandemic hit but has since found that surprisingly, being locked in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact She's been around the sun almost 30 times and each time has been miserable. No, Gwen Tysen isn't depressed or even unhappy. She's just a Cancer. The 28-year-old said she's been forced to wear her heart on her sleeve her whole life and can't help but feel everything. "I wish I didn't take every mean comment to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Sydney Roosters have completely ruined every multibet in Australia after they went down to the Canberra Raiders overnight in the Harbour City. In a close 20-24 contest, the green boys came from behind to secure a clutch win against the Roosters, who were left wondering where everything went wrong as the full-time bell sounded. As...