Sports

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Socceroos coach Ange Postecoglou has taken a leaf out of Bill O'Reily's book and told a waiting media conference that the team will 'fuck it and do it live'. The national European-style football team missed out on automatic qualification to the 2018 soccer world cup after failing to whip Thailand enough times to garner that privilege. Instead, a series of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Moments after Twiggy Forrest concluded a press conference this morning where he announced he's planning his own 'rebel' rugby union competition in light of the Western Force being cut from Super Rugby, the ghost of Kerry Packer emerged in the sky and smiled down on him. The philanthropic mining magnate announced he'll start a rival rugby competition to Super Rugby...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A die-hard v8 fan currently holidaying in Central-West New South Wales is carefully scouring the campsite at Mt Panorama for an extra couple boxes of tins he buried up a few weeks ago. With a metal detector in hand, Bradley Bowler (45) says he's gone to great lengths to get around the Bathurst 1000's controversial...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact After wrangling a significant pay increase for international male and female cricketers, as well as professional state players, the national men's team has attempted to justify it as they stare down a hefty first Test chase in Dhaka. Up against the Newcastle Knights of the test cricketing world, Australia came close to being humbled as they carry a huge 158-run...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Even after making a special effort to wear a sleeveless muscle shirt that shows off his recently-inked Koi fish, a local UFC fan has panicked after realising he left his Monster Energy-themed flat brim hat at home. "Fuck!" says the local peptide-user, Gareth (32). "How did I fucking forget! I'm sitting here looking like an idiot without a flatty" With...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A loudmouth Irish bloke who keeps singing Danny Boy and talking about 'our boy' is probably the last person you want to sit next to during this fight, it has been confirmed. Ahead of what has been described as a ‘billion dollar fight’ between the two fighters, publicans around the country are currently having to defuse countless altercations...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The fact that Australian tennis star Nick Kyrgios has admitted that he is enjoying playing tennis is a cause for celebration across the sport today. The undoubtedly talented 22-year-old has wowed long-suffering Australian tennis fans this week, despite losing his maiden Masters Series decider to Grigor Dimitrov - but declared he was “just happy being out there” after losing 6-3...

LACHLAN BULLIMORE | Bush Footy| CONTACT Overweight local prop says he would finish Mayweather after spending one training session on the focus mitts Local Betoota front-row enforcer Eric “Stomper” Bucketts has been overheard saying he would fancy his chances against undefeated boxing legend Floyd Mayweather, declaring “all it would take is one good right hand flush on the jaw.” - while dramatically moving...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Deputy Prime Minister and dual-Kiwi-citizen Barnaby Joyce has come under fire this morning after he was seen sub-consciously standing up for the New Zealand national anthem at the All Blacks match against the Wallabies last night. Having this week been dubbed the Member for New Zealand, Mr Joyce has only made things worse for himself by forgetting that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The brightest light in the Australian rugby union tanning bed has laughed off suggestion that his team can beat the All Blacks in Dunedin next week, saying that they can only do their best. Wallabies Coach Michael Cheika spoke to the media this morning in Sydney, where he was asked what went wrong last night...