Sports

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a shock decision, the United Nations has informed the rest of the planet that the North Queensland Cowboys are the 'favourites' ahead of the NRL Grand Final. Speaking from New York City, a UN spokesperson agreed that the free world was behind the Cowboys because they were the biggest underdog on the day. "Oi but," said the UN...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Hamish Whistler, a nice South Betootanese man, has just turned up to a house party on Cresent Road without a box of beer under the promise of getting one - but he'd love one of yours in the interim. The 29-year-old told our reporters that he's got every intention of getting a carton for the...

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports| Contact Waking from yet another night of drinking imported beer out of green bottles, a local Wallabies fan was shocked to see the boys in gold had a game last night. Rex Conurra, a popular East Betootanese finance worker, woke around ten this morning to see a flurry of push notifications regarding the 27-all draw against the Springboks...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact After the “Mighty Bloods” went 0-6 to start the season, the Marketing Analyst from the Harbour Capital's Eastern Suburbs had written the year off. He was sparked back into life as the Bondi Boys swarmed into the finals series on the back of a dream run of victories. However, upon the Swans getting knocked out,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorian AFL club, Richmond Tigers' stirring run to the Grand Final has awakened thousands of latent football fans, and it seems they have spent the week painting Inner-East Melbourne yellow and black. Cafes, mechanics, hairdressers to watering holes and even the town hall, the famous Richmond colours can be seen everywhere if you look in Victorian footy hub. Surprisingly, nearly 900...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local account director at a Betooticone Valley tech start-up made a formal complaint to his company's HR department earlier today, saying he was the victim of savage, institutional bullying. Human resources staff at CuttiPizza, a start-up specialising in custom-shaped pizzas, responded promptly and swiftly but ultimately found there was no case for his fellow...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Following on from his comments last night where he voiced his concern that Macklemore was bringing his personal brand of politics to the NRL grand final by promising to perform his hit song Same Love, which is about same-sex marriage, Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has fired shots at the late civil rights icon, Nelson Mandela, for his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The particularly difficult existence as a wife or girlfriend of an NRL player is getting pushed to the back of everyone's minds tonight, as the game celebrates it's 'night of nights' at Sydney's Star Casino. The WAGS (wives and girlfriends) of professional rugby league players often say the fruits of their chosen life are few and far between -...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Wikileaks founder and internationally exiled political whistleblower Julian Assange has today promised Ecuadorian President Lenín Moreno to allow him one-off access to the internet this weekend to watch his beloved North Queensland Cowboys take on the Melbourne Storm in the 2017 NRL Grand Final. Mr Assange has lived and worked in Ecuador's London embassy since June 2012, having been granted...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Maverick North Queensland MP Bob Katter has flown down to Sydney today to support his beloved NRL Side. First stop, Bondi Beach. The sunkissed boys from the North Queensland Cowboys are living out yet another fairytale finals dash, but history shows they a late round match against Sydney Roosters is a curveball for any club. Since their inception in...