Sports

Young Liberal Shows His Progressive Youth Edge By Acknowledging The Existence Of Gays

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local young liberal chapter president has today put it all on the line by openly acknowledging that some people aren't attracted to the opposite sex. Hugo Griffin-Knightley says his typical Australian upbringing  - which saw him attending several international schools in Hong Kong and Singapore while his father ran the comms arm for FedEx AsiaPacific, before settling into...

Oakleigh Grandfather Tries To Claim Cahill As A Greek

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local papou living roughly 15 km south-east of Melbourne's central business district, in the suburb of Oakleigh, has shocked his extended family tonight by his adamant claims that Socceroos captain Tim Cahill is of Southern European background. This comes after the Sydney-Born Samoan-Australia footballing superstar was brought on for his last five minutes of last night's match, before doing his...

Diehard Socceroos Fan’s Devotion To Socceroos Will Die Hard If They Lose Tonight

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A nervous, shouty young man has taken time out of his busy half-time debrief session with his WhatsApp group to confirm that his love of the national soccer team will be extinguished if they lose to Syria tonight in Sydney. Tom Comby told The Advocate that he's probably the biggest fan the Socceroos have in Western Queensland, as he's the...

Malcolm Roberts Quits Senate To Join Tongan World Cup Squad With Fifita And Taumalolo

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After spending months in the centre of the 2017 Australian parliamentary eligibility crisis with doubts over his citizenship, Senator Malcolm Roberts has today resigned from the Senate to join the star-studded Tongan squad for the upcoming rugby league World Cup. Roberts, who was born in India under British rule to a Welsh father, has been under siege for not clarifying his...

Dusty Orders 23 More Boxes Of Crownies To Grand Final Party In Campbelltown Penthouse

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The most celebrated man in Aussie Rules football has today revealed that he's sparing no expense when it comes to glitz and glamour at his end of season premiership party in Sydney's wild west. Off the back of a low-key Mad Monday which followed a Brownlow Medal, AFL Premiership and Grand Final best and fairest, the heavily-tattooed 26-year-old made...

UN Confirm The Rest Of The Free World Is Going For The Cowboys; America

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a shock decision, the United Nations has informed the rest of the planet that the North Queensland Cowboys are the 'favourites' ahead of the NRL Grand Final. Speaking from New York City, a UN spokesperson agreed that the free world was behind the Cowboys because they were the biggest underdog on the day. "Oi but," said the UN...

Bloke Who Turned Up Without Any Beers To Grand Final Party Asks If He Can Have One Of Yours

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Hamish Whistler, a nice South Betootanese man, has just turned up to a house party on Cresent Road without a box of beer under the promise of getting one - but he'd love one of yours in the interim. The 29-year-old told our reporters that he's got every intention of getting a carton for the...

Diehard Wallabies Fan Shocked To Learn The Wallabies Played Last Night

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports| Contact Waking from yet another night of drinking imported beer out of green bottles, a local Wallabies fan was shocked to see the boys in gold had a game last night. Rex Conurra, a popular East Betootanese finance worker, woke around ten this morning to see a flurry of push notifications regarding the 27-all draw against the Springboks...

Swans fan receives Tigers scarf just in time for the bounce

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact After the “Mighty Bloods” went 0-6 to start the season, the Marketing Analyst from the Harbour Capital's Eastern Suburbs had written the year off. He was sparked back into life as the Bondi Boys swarmed into the finals series on the back of a dream run of victories. However, upon the Swans getting knocked out,...

Richmond, NSW, Draped In Yellow And Black Colours Ahead Of Grand Final Weekend

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Victorian AFL club, Richmond Tigers' stirring run to the Grand Final has awakened thousands of latent football fans, and it seems they have spent the week painting Inner-East Melbourne yellow and black. Cafes, mechanics, hairdressers to watering holes and even the town hall, the famous Richmond colours can be seen everywhere if you look in Victorian footy hub. Surprisingly, nearly 900...

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