Sports

Ch9 Announce New Reality Show ‘Selected For The English Cricket Team At First Sight’

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT Following the success of its popular reality show ‘Married At First Sight’, Channel 9 have today announced a new TV show that will allow 11 lucky contestants the chance to play for the English Cricket Team, despite never having seen each other (or a cricket game) before. The announcement, in conjunction with the ECB, comes as England collapsed against...

Nation Reaches For Mute Button After Hearing Clarkey Step Into The Box

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia collectively reached for the mute button today as the announcement came out that Michael Clarke would be stepping into the commentary box shortly. The statement came from Mark Nicholas during the the final day of the 2nd Ashes Test in Adelaide, and was greeted by millions of groans across the nation. OzTAM, the official television audience measurement body in...

Test Cricket Umpire’s Eyes Found To Be Painted On

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After a number of overturned decisions during the Adelaide Test this week, the CSIRO launched an investigation into why this has happened. Introduced into Test matches almost a decade ago, The Umpire Decision Review System gave teams the ability to challenge an official's decision with impunity. Given a total of two reviews, each team can only...

Rod Marsh Three Wet Pussy Shots Away From Claiming Shaun Marsh Is Actually His Son

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Speaking candidly to friends inside the walls of Adelaidanese institution, Woolshed on Hindley, former cricketing great Rod Marsh is reportedly three shots away from claiming today's Test Centurian Shaun Marsh as his own flesh and blood. As Ian Chappell apparently cut shapes on the Level Two dance floor with a number of young admirers, Rod held court at the...

CSIRO To Launch Study Into Why England Chose To Bowl First

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In a decision that's even left English cricket fans scratching their heads, English Test cricket captain Joe Root won the toss and elected to bowl yesterday in Adelaide. Not satisfied with his answer, Australia's peak scientific body has taken it upon themselves to find out why. Speaking candidly to The Advocate this morning via fax, one...

“After A Wallabies’ Loss, The Only Thing That Cheers Me Up Is Buying More Chinos”

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Peter Smith-Jenkins spent all week getting worked up to cheer on his Wallabies. Today, he wishes he hadn't. Speaking to coworkers this morning at his boutique-but-ultimately-unnecessary-artisan-local-cafe, nobody for the life of their boat shoes could understand how the boys in gold could shit the bed so badly. "Unbelievable," he said, cracking his third San Pelligrino of the morning. "It's not like when...

Fully Grown Adults Clap At Something They Saw On Television

An entire room full of fully grown adults have been spotted yelling and clapping at a television in the Lord Betoota Hotel this afternoon. This week on the podcast we spoke to playwright Tommy Murphy about his new play focused on the Packers, he's got some cracking stories. Listen here: The patrons, who don't appear to be talking to one...

“Who’s Winning? We Are!”: Non-Cricket Person Finally Gets Answer To Age Old Question

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Hearing the shouting and hollering emanating from the living room, a popular North Betoota homemaker put his head into the room to see what all the fuss was. Ben Kennedy was jumping on the couch like Tom Cruise and on the cusp of speaking in tongues. "Wooooo!! How about that, you bastards!" he screamed. Laughing at the extolling of joy and...

Local Cashed-Up Pommy Not Sure His Skin Will Last Another Two Days In The Brisbane Sun

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Lisping through one of seven gaps in his front teeth, a popular and friendly visiting Englishman has enjoyed himself thus far Down Under - but he feels his skin isn't having us much fun as he is. Ben Granholm's skin and liver are days away from testing Australia's famous Medicare system as his sunburn and rampant alcohol consumption reach fever...

Overexcited Cricket Fan Wastes Crucial Social Media Photo On Gabba Outfield Before Play

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Knowing very well that he can only post two, maybe three photos of his day at the cricket before his mates stop losing interest, an overly excited cricketing tragic has jumped the gun this morning and posted a photo of the Gabba outfield, before anyone has even stepped out. Even though it's a particularly busy time of the year,...

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