Local News

Local Publican Under Impression Patrons Enjoy Playing Pool On A Hexagonal Table

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Many East Betoota punters were left scratching their heads earlier this week after a prominent local publican made the decision to put a hexagonal pool table in his popular establishment. The Royal Commerical Hotel has been an East Betootanese drinking institution for nearly two hundred years and despite undergoing a number of facelifts and renovations,...

Suburban Motorist Shows Working Class Solidarity By Giving Two-Finger-Wave To Stop Go Man

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local motorist, Josh Croucher (34) is high on life after today's interaction with a traffic controller, who was directing cars around a new road sealing project in the back streets behind his Betoota Heights office. After roughly four to five minutes of uncomfortable eye contact, the traffic controller received radio confirmation that motorists were now...

Soundcloud rapper defends the use of RhymeZone.com in his songwriting

1 May, 2017. 10:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prominent South Betoota teenager has lashed out at the suggestion that using RhymeZone cheapens his craft and challenged anyone who thought differently to come down to the Wentworth Road skate park and say it to his face. RhymeZone is a popular internet website that finds rhymes for a word you give...

Local Creep Saves Mint Leaves Lollies Until Last

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local weirdo has spent the last couple of days subconsciously navigating around the Homebrand spearmint lollies on the kitchen bench. The reason? Because he likes them the most and wants to save the best until last. 30-year-old IKEA floor manager, Bevan Cochrane says the missus doesn't often let him tear open a 400 gram of...

Local Socialite Plays Shy And Looks Away From Camera After Asking For Photo

ROY MARTIN | WA | CONTACT In a move that’s been labelled as “bold” and “daring” by members of Betoota’s social circuit, local woman Bella Vacante has looked shyly towards the ground in a social photo that has the scene buzzing. “After the backlash pouting like a duck received following its explosion in 2015, us girls have been looking for something that almost gives...

Local Riff Raff Redlines The LowLux In Third Gear To Show Off His New Fuck Off Cannon Exhaust

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A South Betoota meat worker has taken time out of his busy afternoon of talking shit on Facebook and spitting in public to speak about his evening plans and what other types of mischief he's going to get up to tonight. Deverell Slacks, 19, told The Advocate that he's saved up all week to fill...

Local FM Radio Station Apologises For Unprecedented 20-Min Gap Between Ed Sheeran Songs

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A top-rating Betoota FM radio station has been forced to apologise after failing to warn listeners that there'd be a 20-min gap between Ed Sheeran songs, which led to an unprecedented 600 complaints made to the broadcast ombudsman. Catfish 98.1FM took time out of the popular afternoon drive program, Harvs & Henn, to say sorry to their...

Ex-Steiner School Kid Struggles To Count Past Ten Without Her Bongo Drum

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A recent graduate of the Betoota Heights Steiner School has exceeded her own expectations by mastering basic arithmetic in the face of overwhelming odds. Dennise Carp, 19, finished her Queensland Certificate of Education (QCE) last year with an OP 22, which even she finds hard to believe. Going on to endure the shame of counting with her...

Bloke With Large Melon Not Allowed To Try On Mate’s Sunnies

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bloke is very well aware that he has a melon much bigger than most of his mates. Since young adulthood, Sam Perrington hasn't been able to engage in friendly banter with anyone without the size of his noggin' being brought up. Because of this, the 32-year-old boilermaker from West Betoota, has not been able to engage in...

New Study Confirms: Enjoying A Dart In The Pool Is The Height Of Luxury

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Australia's peak scientific body revealed the findings of a new study this afternoon that set out to discover what the height of luxury is - causing some controversy in the process. The CSIRO came to the conclusion that the must enjoyable, luxurious activity a human being can do is to enjoy a 'premium' cigarette such...

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