Local News

Local Breakfast Television Presenter Vaguely Remembers A Time When He Was A Real Journalist

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Being one of KBBL Betoota Imparja's breakfast television presenters is a rare privilege bestowed upon a chosen few - one of those being Brett Gallway. Each morning, the 49-year-old rises early and runs for an hour around Barcoo Park in the South Betoota, exclusive, leafy enclave of Danish Town while he listens to podcasts. Arriving home in time...

Local Used Car Salesman Asks ‘What Is This Shit?’ After Stumbling Upon QI Rerun

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Greg Klimt is a self-described simple man. He enjoys supporting his beloved Dolphins and maintains a diet almost completely devoid of fruit and vegetables. "I don't like them, I like smokey BBQ sauce and potato gems for tea," he said. "Wash 'em down with a Betoota Bitter tin and a hearty bowl of Viennetta dessert cake. That's how...

Regional University Student Attends 10AM Early Morning Lecture In Best Pair Of Pyjamas

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After failing to get into her favourite sandstone university, Emma Hutchins thought she might as well give up on becoming anything worthwhile - her dreams of changing the world as a young lawyer were dashed before they even began. That was until an older, wiser family friend told her of the veritable Xanadu that is...

Local Same-Sex Parents Relax After Spending Father’s Day Destroying Family Values

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Local life partners and civil unionists, Wayne Carmichael and Adam Wolfe, told The Advocate this Sunday afternoon that they and their two adopted children enjoyed a long, hard day at a South Betoota park destroying traditional family values. "We went to the park after lunch to kick a ball around and attack marriage," said Wolfe, a 34-year-old high school...

Toddler Gives Dad An Extra Special Public Meltdown For Father’s Day

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local 38-month-old completely lost his mind this morning in a popular French Quarter cafe in a touching tribute to his Dad, who's celebrating his third Father's Day today. Quincy Ryder, 36, received the tantrum just after 11 am in front of friends, family and perfect strangers after he had to explain to his son Dakota...

Local Sheep Farmer Still Has It In For P!nk Ten Years After She Criticised Mulesing

MIKE CATT | Sheep and Goats | Contact Even the very mention of her name can send one local sheep farmer on an hour long tirade about how US songbird Pink almost doomed the entire wool industry. Just over a decade ago, the 37-year-old American called for a boycott of Australian sheep products over concerns she had about animal cruelty stemming...

Grown Man Still Terrified To Walk Through Local Park After Dark

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Though the shire council has made numerous efforts to improve the lighting in Apex Park, one local man is still terrified of walking through there alone after dark. Gregor Madden, a defenceless literary agent, often takes the long way home around the park after the sun goes down. Especially, says the 28-year-old, if he's been binge...

Laughter As Man With PhD Repeatedly Claims He’s A Real Doctor

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A recent graduate from Diamantina Technical College has been called out today on his habit of referring to himself as a Doctor. Sam Wilson whose paper titled: “Bountiful mind: memory, cognition and knowledge acquisition in Plato’s Meno earned him a Doctorate in Philosophy, has been relishing any opportunity to give himself the honourable title. “Hi, I am Sam, Dr....

Girlfriend Doesn’t Understand How Sick Boyfriend Is

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet Reporter | Contact Despite the fact that everyone comes down with a cold at some point during winter, Jack Derwin is certain that he has it particularly bad. The local accountant who came down with a serious case of man flu has spent the last couple of days “bed ridden” and whining to anyone who will listen...

Local Barman Longs For The Day When He Can Say Thank God It’s Friday

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact People like Wavell Rhodes are the unsung heroes of Friday afternoons. They pour the beers and clean the glasses. Good your potato gems and party pies and wishes you a warm farewell as you leave the bar just before close. Wavell Rhodes is a barman, the last of a dying breed of South Betootanese youngsters who don't mind rolling up...

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