Local News

Quiz: Do You Wanna Keep Talking Shit? Or Should Tyce Get His Older Brothers Down Here To Cave Your Fucken Head In?

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local families at the Betoota Arboretum and Recreational Reserve witnessed a minor verbal altercation today, as one of the young Adams boys decided to throw his weight around in front of his mates. Tyce Adams, a 13-year-old Betoota High School student decided to verbally abuse a slightly older skateboarders after he caught him looking generally in his direction at...

Dolphins 4th Grade Captain Flees Australia With Club’s Rego Money

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact EXCLUSIVE The Australian Federal Police have tracked down disgraced former Dolphins 4th-grade captain and club treasurer Lewis Karnava to the remote Greek island of Icaria, where it's understood he's been laying low in the wake of allegations that he stole from local rugby league club. In particular, the club's rego money. Each player with the club is required to...

Local Woman’s Diet On Hold Until Hangover Goes Away

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After discovering a debilitating gluten allergy at age 27, Keight McGrath's world was turned upside down. Since that horrible afternoon last April, she's kept to a strict vegetarian diet and drastically reduced her alcohol intake. However, one of her many vices is the explosive action and entertainment that one can only draw from the wellspring of...

Bloke who just sent photo of his first schooner to group chat not going to make it to kick off

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After being asked to not wear his limited edition 'Senorita' Justin Timberlake trilby and to wait until the boys and girls arrived at the pub to start drinking, a popular North Betoota used car dealer took a photo of his first schooner of the afternoon and sent it to the group chat. "Cheers, borrs! "...

Old Bloke At RSL Looks Like He’s Trying To Blend In With The Carpet In That Shirt

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local patron at the front bar of the Betoota Returned Serviceman's League could lie down on the floor and be completely invisible, it has been confirmed. With a shirt that could blind ya, the retired postman by the name of Rex Zammit (68) has created a bit of a name for himself over the years as a vibrant...

Local Dad Claims He Would’ve Smashed The Ninja Warrior Course Back In His Day

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local father-of-four-and-former-warrior slumped back into his couch last night and lit up some lung candy, stared pensively into his OLED television and turned to his family to proclaim that even he, a chinless refrigeration magnate, could've smashed the Ninja Warrior obstacle course back in his day. By his day, Glenn McNally means the summer on 1974. "I was a...

Handsome Local Greek Suffering Severe Injuries To Cheeks After Visiting Grandmother

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Greek man is in a stable condition after suffering severe lacerations to his cheeks, following a late lunch with his yiayia and her friends at a nearby Helenic cafe this afternoon. 30-year-old Adam Xiannikis was found unconscious in the carpark of a local inner-city shopping centre with both his cheeks bruised and bleeding, after being told how handsome...

Man Glad His Friends Take The Time To Remind Him That They’re In Europe And He Is Not

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Speaking candidly to The Advocate over his fourth coffee of the day, Dennis Coleman said that the highlights of his days recently is to scroll through his many social media feeds to see what part of Europe his friends are enjoying now. It's no skin off the 28-year-old's nose, as he's just happy knowing that...

Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club preorder commemorative ‘Dolphin pingas’ for Mad Monday celebrations

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact With only two regular season rounds left to play, the Betoota Dolphins are hot favourites to take home the Collett Cup wooden spoon after specularly winning last year's premiership with a stunning last-minute field goal.  That means that a Mad Monday celebration is just around the corner. Though the season kicked off earlier this year after...

Stepdad Doesn’t Know How To Dress

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local loser who honestly thinks he can measure up to the father of his new stepsons today thrown on the leather jacket in an attempt to look cool and get on their level. After 18 months of marriage, the 40-something landscape designer has worked quite hard towards 'chumming up' to his wife's kids from a previous marriage. His...

Social

781,079FansLike
603,780FollowersFollow
119,365FollowersFollow

Breaking News