Local News

Man Unsure If Washing Still Wet Or Just Cold

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT After a third straight day of drying, Betoota Lakes local Zach Simpson has finally decided to bring his washing in. After testing his clothes moisture content by touch during the previous two days, the young man can finally confirm that they were just cold, and not in fact wet. “Hooley dooley, it’s so friggin hard to tell if it’s actually...

Young Monarchist ‘not having much luck’ on Tinder after listing it in bio

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The president of the local Young Monarchist League in South Betoota had too many Negronis last night at the Betoota Hotel and let slip that after adding his political leanings to his Tinder profile, he hasn't been getting too many right swipes. Tom Annise, 23, confided in The Advocate last night telling our reporter that...

BREAKING: Gen-Y Instagrams Photo Of Boyfriend Without Referring To Him As ‘This One’

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT While celebrating a five-year anniversary with her boyfriend today, Betoota millennial Sophie Kinder, naturally reached for Instagram to acknowledge the momentous occasion. However, what happened next has left Betoota in shock. It was largely assumed, as is common social media practice, that Sophie would refer to his boyfriend as "this one" - as she had done in previous...

Local Lady Consciously Turns Phone Off For The First Time Since She Got It

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local buyers agent contacted The Advocate this afternoon regarding something she did this morning that she's sure nobody has done consciously before. She turned her late model iPhone off on purpose. Save for the few times she's let the thing go flat, her phone has never been off since she bought it last October from...

Young legal professional makes it home just in time for Lateline

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A recent law graduate working at Rodmann Carter Poncho in Betoota's Old City district has revealed to The Advocate that he often leaves work with just enough time to make it home before Lateline starts at 10:30 pm. Though the popular late-night news and current affairs programme airs an hour earlier on ABC News 24, Sam...

Local Dad Spices Up Text Message With A Few Pointless Commas ,,

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact According to a study conducted by Australia's chief scientific body, the CSIRO, close to 8 in 10 Australians under the age of 25 has received an obscure, barely comprehensible text from a parent. This afternoon, local student Julie Dalhasse became one of those 8. The 21-year-old event management second-year revealed to The Advocate that her Luddite...

Local Kindy Teacher Finally Free Of These Little Bastards For Two Weeks

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A popular early childhood teacher at East Betoota Primary School can almost feel the sem sauv blanc run down her throat this afternoon as she counts the hours down until she's on school holidays. Dahlia Weilson, 24, is just about half way through her first full year as a full-time teacher and agrees that there's nothing...

Melbourne-bound flight delayed after pilot loses the keys

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A pilot has been reprimanded by his superiors this afternoon after it's alleged the 27-year-old left the keys to the airline's late model Boeing at home. Stephen Morris, a Connellan Airways employee, was said to have misplaced the keys on the way to the airport and only noticed once he tried to unlock the Boeing 717. He joined...

Hospo Worker Seeks Revenge For Lost Penalty Wages By Compiling Most Fraudulent Tax Return Yet

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An underemployed graduate of the exclusive South Betoota TAFE College has compiled his most fraudulent and dishonest tax return to date this afternoon. Fergus Blister, a qualified horticulturist, works as a sandwich maker at a nearby cafe during the day and occasionally runs cockfights in his backyard to supplement his meagre income. However, he failed to declare the...

Local Dad Pledges Lifelong Allegiance To Craft Beer After Drinking Stubbie Of 150 Lashes

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local dad, Nic Manna (64) says the beers his son brought over for lunch today aren't too bad at all. "What do you call this one?" he asks, sounding as though he's just discovered sex for the first time. "Shan have you tried this one. Jeez, not bad at all" After a lifelong allegiance to the sensible...

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