Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian Bureau of Statistics head statistician, David Kalisch is reportedly still pretty chuffed after unwittingly delivering one of the most important messages for civil rights in recent years, while unveiling the results of the 2017 same-sex marriage postal vote. "Did I look good up there?" he asked his wife while relaxing in the bathtub last night, after a massive comedown of...

KENT REGINALD | Entertainment | CONTACT A local liquor store employee has spoken out at his frustration at everyone calling him ‘Chief’ or 'Champ' “It’s like those words doesn’t even mean anything any more” said Gary Tripe, 37, of Dapto. “I mean, they call me Chief, and then as soon as I order them to do something, they look at me like I’m some common...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Since the ABS announced almost two-thirds of Australia voted in favour of marriage equality in the postal plebiscite, no campaigners around the nation have been spotted returning to their safe spaces. “End of days is coming mate. I’m hitting the pews while the sky's still blue.” After a respectful debate involving physical abuse, disempowering language and homophobic slurs, the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local gay, Bazza, is probably still going to keep rooting other blokes, even if former Prime Minister Tony Abbott and his Christian lobbyists have managed to wrangle enough of the population to vote No towards same-sex marriage. The 31-year-old accountant says that even though the Christians had hoped a majority no vote would automatically invalidate his sexual orientation, he...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The unofficial King Of The Druitt has today confirmed that Diana's son is a good enough bloke, and he'd love to catch up for a feed next time he's in the wild wild west. After proving that he's a good enough sport to pose for a photo with a near-naked, beer-weilding Kurtley Beale - The Prince Of Wales has...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the CSIRO has found that a particularly tough pan or pot is best left to soak in lukewarm soapy water for up to three days, or until it becomes someone elses problem. "It doesn't matter who's problem it becomes, as long as it is no longer your problem" says lead researcher, Professor Artie Mogg. The research...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After not finding much like with a photo of his car, a photo of himself snowboarding with sunglasses on in 2007, or a photo of a recent bucks party, local bachelor Riley Scoles (28) might have just figured out the secret to online dating apps. "I just thought, what do women want in a man?" he says. "Obviously my HSV...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT One Nation leader Pauline Hanson has spent the day waiting outside Brisbane Correctional Centre looking for any paroled offenders who look like they have what it takes to run alongside One Nation. "People get sent to this place from all over the state" she says of the notorious supermax prison. "So it's a good starting point to find people for...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT East Tamworth was the sight of a disgraceful display today as out-of-towner Thomas Casey (25) absolutely cooked it trying to park his late model luxury vehicle in a street side 45-degree parking spot. Witnesses report that while having ample room to perform the park, Casey attempted it as if it were a parallel park, landing his car...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local man that has essentially made a living by opening doors and smiling at soon-to-be debt-riddled young families has today realised that winning an extremely vague award at a boozy industry event is the closest thing to an achievement that he'll ever experience. Despite the cool work phone and company car he gets to use on Wednesdays and...