Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A highly intelligent but socially lacking university lecture has been met with crickets for quoting one of his favourite lines from the lesser-known Monty Python sketch The Complete and Utter History of Britain, from the late 60s. Chemistry lecturer, Professor Clyde Markson (70) likes to envision himself as a bit of a larrikin, and not one to get too caught...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Just south of Betoota, the township of Durrie's new artesian hot baths have become a massive hit with the local caravan tourists. The Sir Terry Lewis Hot Baths were installed in August last year, and have made headlines right across the Channel Country this winter. "What we are finding is that this attraction is providing elderly travellers with the opportunity...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Editor | CONTACT In great news for Labor right loyalists, it appears that disgraced former Senator and PRC mouthpiece Sam Dastyari has finally landed on his feet after his spectacular fall from grace late last year. The Betoota Advocate can exclusively reveal that the young Labor prodigy who once turned heads with his lightening speed ascension through the ALP ranks,  is now...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The state of Queensland has released an official statement this morning, putting its southern neighbour in its place. After NSW finally snagged itself a series, only it’s second in 13 years, the southerners are already talking about a dynasty. Billy Moore, the iconic and inspirational Maroons back-rower who famously chanted Queenslander all those years ago, was at...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local inner-city leftie who has yet to figure out a way to monetise her medium-sized Twitter following but freelances between failing online newspapers twice a month, says she's got fuck all to write about around this time of the year. At 29-years-of-age, Deena Marley is too old to be up to date with the problematic musicians in Australia's...

TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | CONTACT Andy Guillifa and the boys have been ‘geeing’ up each other for something of a renaissance of their partying days and he reckons tonight is going to be one for the books. “I reckon this’ll be one for the books, boys” wrote Andy in their boys only message thread. However, there is one variable to their usually symbiotic evenings that...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by the nation's drunk idiots has found that the men employed in Australia's late night Turkish and Lebanese take-away industry are far better at crowd control than any bouncer could be. These findings correlate well with statistics that indicate literally zero examples of alcohol-related public nuisance or violent incidents in kebab and pide venues around the...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Senator Richard Di Natale has today joined thousands of supposed soccer experts around the country in the Socceroos for not playing a 38-year-old bloke, who hasn't played football for a year, in last night's match. Taken a brief break from his usually calm, peace-loving demeanour - The Greens Party leader's fiery Mediterranean blood shone through in a press conference...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local pub patron has this evening gathered the required points to reach the next level of his Friday night session. After deleting three schooners with quick ease this afternoon, Sione Washington (24) has finally achieved access to the his subconscious map of the venue floor plan, which instinctively leads him to a stable of ten or so buzzing...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local man who is absolutely abhorrent at playing pool cannot blame it on a lack of chalk, it has been confirmed. Seb Birmingham (28) is yet to ever admit that he's actually very shit at playing the popular pub game, and seems to have an excuse every time he shanks it across the table. Throughout his last two dismal...