Senator Richard Di Natale has today joined thousands of supposed soccer experts around the country in the Socceroos for not playing a 38-year-old bloke, who hasn’t played football for a year, in last night’s match.

Taken a brief break from his usually calm, peace-loving demeanour – The Greens Party leader’s fiery Mediterranean blood shone through in a press conference this morning.

The senator says that while he understand soccer can be a cruel game, there still needs to be an investigation into why coach Bert van Marwijk didn’t give Cahill a run last night.

“Look, I may be an ex-VFL player, but I know a gun when I see one, no matter what code” said Di Natale.

“I’m sorry if I come off a bit testy, but I’m a competitive man. That and my chakras are horribly misaligned right now”

“Why didn’t those skippy pricks put Cahill on?”

Di Natale says he doesn’t think it’s too out of line to ask for a Federal Commission into what has happened in Russia over the last few weeks – and why the fuck we

“Cahill would have put three or four on the Danes. We all know this. He’s a gun”

“There’s a lot of questions that need answering. I’m calling for a Royal Commission. I’m not getting shit from my crystals”


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