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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Realising there are no Christmas decorations in her sharehouse, PR executive Naomi Killian (25) has taken it upon herself to get her housemates involved in the festive spirit as she usually does whenever domestic duties are neglected. Although Killian has managed to keep her entry level job requiring three years of University and one year of morally-grey free work...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Scanning her fridge for an appropriate midnight snack, local woman Jasmine Thompson is disappointed to discover she’s severely lacking any savoury snacks. The only good thing in the fridge is her roommate's leftovers but unlike other meals she’d nibbled on in the past - such as the time her roomie made a large bowl of carbonara -  it’d...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A wise man once said ‘nothing good ever happens after 2:00 am’ - and the exact same logic can be applied to a house party. But after the lockout laws stopped local blokes Anthony Kane and Ian Ellis from continuing their fun, they’d immediately reached out to their mates to see if anyone was having kickons. As by then,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT As local bloke Samuel Johnston lies in bed and stares at the ceiling, he finds himself in a terrible conundrum. You see, he has a sneaking suspicion that his alarm should be going off any second now. Or even worse, it should have rung already. But if he concedes defeat and rolls over to check his phone, he may lose...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Snuggled up in bed, local woman Amelia Hardgrave scrolls on her phone to see what her YouTube recommended has to offer. As someone who couldn’t go five minutes without stimulation, whether it be scrolling social media or listening to music, the half hour window before bed time was a particularly perilous time for Amelia. Had she ever spoken to a...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT For Beaudesert hairdresser, Kandise Coolwell (55), Pauline Hanson represented a political voice that was often forgotten by the experts in Canberra. All of the elite politicians, who are all lefties, never listened to people like her - but Pauline did. Pauline spoke to her anxieties and dreams, the same way Kevin did. The same way Johnny did, for a...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact As the release date for a COVID-19 vaccine draws closer, other critical medical trials have been largely overlooked by the media, despite being almost as important as a cure for coronavirus.  Last week Pfizer announced their Duckface Vaccine, Quaxagon, has been found to be effective at curing the facial feature with a 92% success rate and minimal side...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In shock news that could alter the course of the US election, rapper Kayne has also demanded a recount based on doubts raised about the election results by supporters of outgoing President Trump.  “Imma say it; I think something’s going on” said the outspoken rapper. “On one hand, right, you got these election officials, these independent observer people,...

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact In news that comes as a surprise to absolutely nobody, Dulux has confirmed that the personnel responsible for naming paint colours are not subject to drug screening or random drug tests. “It’s tricky to come up with new names for the colours, dude” said Chief Naming Technician Keith Huxley. “They send me a new colour and I, like,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local woman with a holistic view of her health has today made a responsible call. Enjoying a bit of a hungover sushi lunch with her relatively new boyfriend, Erin Doyle has decided to opt against a full strength Coke or Sprite, and instead decided to grab a drink loaded with a superfood, a little bottle of Bundaberg ginger beer.  “What,” she laughs to her...