IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact If the last Royal Wedding was anything to go by, a polite and homely homemaker from Betoota Grove has purchased a substantial amount of alcohol in preparation for the party she's hosting on the big day. Wanda Coleman, of Greenbow Road, was seen picking out grog down at the Cobb & Co Cellars in the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact In a time when shows like Blue Heelers ruled the screens, and Mariah Carey just wanted you for Christmas, a young and unknown Cate Blanchett says she met the love of her life, the Tim Tam genie. Yep, that’s right. The guy from that ad, all those years ago, is now married to one of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The executive producer of the IMP-9 Imparja Betoota collapsed into the newsroom beanbag this morning defeated. Stacey Macklin flipped through the local and metropolitan newspapers all morning. Browsed reddit for an hour and even stopped by the popular hacking website, 4chan. Nothing. So she did what any self-respecting newsperson does and reports on the only thing you can when there's nothing else to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The last time Sam Pearson was brought before the attention of the local courts and The Advocate, he was charged with assaulting a police horse and throwing rocks at delegates from the Betoota Chamber of Commerce during a civil disturbance in 2009. While he escaped the charges, largely because his asset-rich family commands a large amount...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Not many of Gavin Harrison's coworkers know exactly what he does all day, they just know he does something. He's been working at the somewhat-esteemed-local-mezzanine-level-advertising-agency, Clemenger South Betoota, for nearly a decade - where he's had a hand in creating and maintaining key accounts and things like that which are important. When something comes across his desk from either a...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact After finding himself at a loose end with nothing left to write about for the weekend paper, Darcy Boyd, a popular columnist in the Sunday Advocate, has decided to pen his second thinkpiece on Millennials this year. This week, he plans to go into bat for the younger generations, saying they've had it tough and they...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact "Except this time it's actually food you might want to eat!" he said. "It always takes me right back to solitary. When they'd open the little hatch in the door and slide the food in. I always enjoy staying in motor inns. Very nostalgic for me," "Even the decor reminds me of the Wacol rec room we had access to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some accuse Gilbert Speers of enrolling in a Bachelor Of Business Studies out of spite - just to make sure another young person didn't get the spot in the course. Others say the slow expansion of the 67-year-old jam and preserve business warrants further tertiary study. But if you ask Gil himself, it's about keeping his...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The incumbent Premier of Victoria has blamed the lack of local government leadership in Melbourne for some recent developments surrounding the installation of powerful snowmaking guns in the city's central business district. Premier Daniel Andrews admitted to our reporter that he didn't know who made the decision to put snowmaking guns up and down the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A nationwide pandemic which has seen 'one-man-bands' take over pubs and clubs around the country has been traced back to British pop star Ed Sheeran - who today issued an apology for being the patient zero. In particular, the spike in the use of 'loop pedals' was also attributed to the 27-year-old singer-songwriter. "I understand that...