IN-Focus

15-year-old’s life in ruins after watching parents slow dance to ‘Beast of Burden’

16 July, 2016. 13:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact WITH THREE TEENAGE CHILDREN living under their roof, precious moments between quinquagenarian lovebirds David and Amy Davies are few and far between. But just last night, after a nice dinner and a bottle of the second cheapest red on the menu, they came home to find their youngest still awake watching Simpsons reruns. "To...

Greyhounds Join Ibis On CSIRO’s List Of Animals That Have Permission To Become Extinct

11 July, 2016. 11:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact The Baird government's announcement last Thursday that it was shutting down greyhound racing in NSW because of evidence of systemic animal cruelty within the industry, has rendered the extremely unattractive dogs completely useless it has been confirmed. Speaking to The Betoota Advocate today, CSIRO flora and fauna spokeswoman, Les Beehan, says that if it...

Local Man’s New Friendship From The Weekend Bolstered By 140 Of His Closest Mates Liking It

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact After an embarrassing but perfectly executed example of mob mentality, local man Dominic Locke (25), says his chances of entering into a relationship with a bird he met through coworkers are now non-existent. Dominic had only met Ms. Wesser twice before at after-work functions, but following a warm and friendly conversation on Friday night, he felt confident enough to...

Local man unsure if he can donate blood anymore after kissing another local man

14 June, 2016. 16:45 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A TWENTY-EIGHT YEAR OLD interior designer is picking up the pieces today after he got a bit carried away with some bloke last night. Matthew Dollarhyde, up until now, has been a keen donator of blood. His AB- blood type is especially rare. "Once I found out I was AB- after a car accident,...

Local Man Says Government Shouldn’t Have To Say Sorry For Things That Don’t Affect Him

26 May, 2015. 14:34 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact Local man, Campbell Bligh (55) says that the Australian Government should not have to apologise for things that happened several decades ago. After observing yesterday's 19th anniversary of the Bringing Them Home report, Mr Bligh still can't believe former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd went out of his way to apologise to the Stolen Generations in...

5 Easy Ways To Fuck The Patriarchy

INGRID DOULTON OAM | Let’s Talk Sense | CONTACT In the late sixties, a young women working in media was nothing more than a pin cushion for the hands of seedy old executives, but I knew what I had to do if I was going to get where I needed to go. There I was. A single 23-year-old working in a city that I barely...

Local Court Convicts Man Of Drink Driving In A Pair Of Heely Shoes

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THINKING HE WAS THE smartest man in the world, friendly North Betoota piss wreck Deverell Slacks ordered a pair of Heely shoes online to wheel himself home from the pub each night. He's disqualified from driving until 2070 - a result of being pinged for DUI over twenty times. Left with no other option, as his...

Phoneless Gent Forced To Read 17-Year-Old New Idea In Dentist Waiting Room

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AFTER PICKING UP AN old issue of New Idea at his local dentist, Blake Mickley agrees that there certainly was some crazy shit happening in the world of celebrity back in 1999. His epiphany was only made possible by the 23-year-old accidently leaving his phone at home, realising his error half way to the dentist...

Struggling Community Library Reluctantly Installs A Couple Brickie’s Laptops

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Warning: This article contains an incessant, opportunistic and misleading use of the word 'community'  Board members for the East Betoota library say that they have no option other than to install several poker machines to ensure the future of their community. With cuts to education and the imminent amalgamation of local councils, it seems the 104-year-old educational...

MDMA Easier To Find Than NBN In Prime Minister’s Electorate

18 April, 2016. 09:55 PADDY MUNRO | Contributor | CONTACT Despite being represented by the National Broadband Network’s architect and innovative Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, the voters of Wentworth in Sydney’s affluent Eastern Suburbs are more likely to find pingers rolling out onto their streets than the NBN. A special investigation by the Betoota Advocate found it was fifteen times easier to access...

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