IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Life has been a blur for two local women ever since Harry and Megan said I do. Mother-of-two Maggie Pearson and her sister Joan Rutherford have been three sheets to the wind for three days. Both of them have little to no idea what day it is; Joan's erratic public behaviour has attracted the attention of...

INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact Starting out as a string of late-night weekend rendezvous with regular healing weekday silence, a relationship between two city workers turned into something mildly more significant last Sunday as one of them met the family for the first time. However, just as they pulled into the driveway of a leafy Betoota Grove home, mere seconds...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local 18-year-old temp worker has today taken full advantage of the money she earns as an employee, by purchasing an exotic Thai meal on her half hour lunch break. Tessa Cooper is just a couple months in to her working gap year, where she plans to save up enough money to travel the world for three months at...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A remarkably unpopular South Betoota man labelled a MasterChef contestant 'pathetic' moments after her profiteroles failed to rise before the judges - just hours after he had cereal for dinner. Nathan Dacleary, of Alison Road in Betoota Hills, told our reporters that he couldn't help but laugh as Maria Culver's dessert fizzled in front of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The shocking rates of assaults on emergency staff in Australia has today resulted in state government action in both Victorian and New South Wales. Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has today announced that from next month, paramedics will be equipped with dodgy blokes named Caleb, complete with shitty tatts and a chesty TapOut t-shirt. "This is imperative to helping our paramedics...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The greatest trick account managers ever pull is convincing the industry that they need to exist. That's the opinion of four middle managers at the Old City District's hottest new agency, Rusty Trombone, who told our reporters this morning that they've just received a new creative brief from a faceless transglobal corporation that's looking to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The residents of Lower Holland Street in Betoota Hills were woken this morning by a very loud and public F-bomb as one sharehouse patriarch realised the bins didn't go out - again. Damien Crozier, a French Quarter bartender, was said to be livid with his two other housemates, Julia Cartwright and Molly Sharbel, after he trusted...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact Mother of six Jacinta Hunt (32) has gifted herself a taste of la dolce vita this morning by treating herself to a cup of tea and a slice of toast over the sink. At 7:15 am, Hunt was startled to discover she had awoken from her own volition and not to the sound of one of her six children...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact As pay-TV subscriptions continue to decline, Foxtel executive Greg Holmes (62) has been tasked with determining why people are no longer paying for something they can steal for free. Despite the Newscorp subsidiary making innovative strides such as switching back to satellite dishes and hiring Warnie to commentate, the network is unsure why they are failing to attract subscribers by...

GREGOR REDPATH | Rugby | Contact There was a time when Peta Washbrook regretted walking into the Betoota Heights Hillsong Church - but those days are long, long gone. The 19-year-old said she didn't know what she wanted from life before she found Jesus. Now she just wants to be happy. And that happiness now knows no bounds after a fellow churchgoer dropped...