ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A token office pom that often blows into conversations with yet another gripe about Australia has chimed in predictably to a chat amongst blokes regarding the manner in which the Nagpur curators have prepared the pitch for the first Test.

“These Indians are shameless!” said John Bailey, a salesman in LinkedIn’s Betootacone Valley headquarters.

“I can’t believe the ICC is going to let them get away with it! Unbelieveable.

The Londoner’s observations were met with silence from the group of Queenslanders milling around the kitchenette.

“Like you Aussies always prepare a nice pitch for batsmen and bowlers. But these Indians, man! [laughs] I’ve never seen someone doctor a pitch like the one in Nagpur! [laughs] Bloody shameless, they are!”

One of his colleagues took the bait.

“Cunt, did you have your blinders on this summer? You see the Gabba pitch in the first Test? It was over inside two days,” said one coworker.

The pom was happy someone was finally acknowledging his presence.

“Yeah, but,” said pom.

But he was cut off again.

“What about Edgbaston and Trent Bridge in 2015? Jimmy Anderson even asked the curators to doctor the pitch. And guess what? They fucking obliged the grey-haired fuck!”

“Actually, can you fuck off and get back to work? We’re talking about your fucking distant Tasmanian cousin George and how he’s a fucking idiot for dropping Travis Head.”

More to come.


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