ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) has revealed that they’ve changed the toner cartridge in their money printer ahead of the arrival of a new submarine invoice from the British and US Governments.

According to insiders, the federal government has been pressuring the RBA to print more money to pay for the controversial submarine project, which has been met with widespread criticism from the public and politicians alike. With the RBA’s toner cartridge now freshly replaced, it seems the government is preparing to print as much money as it takes to cover the spiralling costs of the submarines.

The move comes as the Federal Government begins the process of finding a way to pay for the fancy new boats.

“The obvious thing to do would be to take it from other government expenditure,” said Treasurer Jim Chalmers today during his weekly phone call with The Advocate’s editorial executive.

“Or perhaps introduce a new tax? The Coalition want to raid the NDIS and Centrelink to pay for it. Sure. The NDIS employs a huge amount of people and injects most of the money back into the economy. It’s a good programme that helps millions of Australians. Then there’s Centrelink. It protects some of the most vulnerable people in our community. The average punter has a pretty dim view of people on Centrelink payments so that’s in the maybe pile,”

“Or we could tax corporations properly and make sure they actually pay the 30%. Maybe tax miners and polluters? We could let negative gearing and the associated negative gearing policy die with the Baby Boomers. The previous government could’ve let more Baby Boomers die during the COVID outbreak so the taxpayer wouldn’t have to fork out for their pensions. Obivously, can’t do that,”

“Well, we could borrow the money? Maybe. It’s not a good look. So it looks like the only real option is to simply print more money and sell bonds. That will tank the economy, granted,”

“But that will either be Prime Minister Angus Taylor or Prime Minister Andrew Hastie’s problem, not mine.”

More to come.


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