ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Reserve Bank chief Philip Lowe has revealed the steps he’s willing to take in order to kill the inflation beast that’s currently running rampant across wider Australian society.

Mr Lowe told a Senate Estimates hearing today in Canberra that jacking up interest rates to the point where society collapses and civil war breaks out might be necessary to keep downward pressure on inflation.

“We might get to the point where people are angry enough to start refusing to pay their mortgages,” he said.

“That’s not enough. I’d like to see bankers thrown from skyscrapers. Perhaps when the owner of some billion dollar company posts a record profit, the people go over to his house and string him up from a street light?”

“What about civil war? I can see society collapsing if interest rates keep going up. We might have to fight the West Australians for their mineral wealth. People think that Victoria and NSW laying siege to Adelaide is just too hard to fathom. We’ll return to this anti-federation COVID borders mentality except the borders will be enforced with bullets.”

Mr Lowe then cleared his through and continued.

“Think that should put downward pressure on inflation,” he said.

“Instead of people using money to buy things, they’re using weapons. Obviously, things like clean water and meat will still suffer from inflation but for property and shares, they won’t really matter any more. Only once society dies, we can truly start to rebuild.”

When asked by Senator Penny Wong if he planned to be the Reserve Bank boss in this brave new world, to which Mr Lowe laughed.

“No,” he said.

“I expect that I’ll be in some sort of warlord position. Running a private army or something. Leading raids. Something interesting.”

More to come.


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