EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

It’s a sad day for our brothers and sisters in Brisbane today, as it can be officially confirmed that beloved pub ‘The Victory Hotel’, will be shutting down after a whopping 168 years of operation.

Having survived multiple fires, a pandemic and what can be assumed is approximately 3000 gigatons of human waste over the years  ,it appears the one thing the vic cannot outrun, is the potential to be turned into a high end retail store. This comes as the heritage listed building will not be able to be demolished and turned into ugly apartments, which is the usual go to for popular bars in desirable city locations.

Locals are understandably very upset by the news, having only just recovered from Stockies almost shutting down a couple a years ago.

Our field reporter takes the streets to chat to some of the local wildlife, who now likely disperse to Rics and The Pig & Whistle.

“Yeah I’m pretty devo”, says Lindsay Howard [28], who used to get absolutely fucking legless in her uni days, “I loved The Vic.”

“Once had to have three men pull me off the floor after my shoes got caught in a layer of sludge.”

“Good times.”

Another local, Ken Roberts [32], says he’ll miss getting cheap jugs on a Sunday, and watching some of the grottiest human behaviour known to man.

“I don’t where else you’ll see a chick make confetti out of her own vomit”, he says, shaking his head sadly.

Though no other publication has been able to receive a comment from Owner Precision Group, who have been very hush hush with the news, The Advocate was able to secure some relieving information from one of the managers, who had a brief but very intense romance with Clancy a few years ago.

“We’ll be keeping the sticky floors”, says the anonymous source, “we’ve hired a few select people to ensure surfaces are covered in a layer of mystery fluid at all times.”

“We understand this is very important to the people of Brisbane.”

It’s alleged The Vic will have its final hurrah on February 18th, where patrons are invited to do one final piss on the floor for a proper send off.


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