ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Melbourne woman has told The Advocate this morning that she is glad the government is finally making big businesses pay more tax but wonders why they decided to come after hard-working people like her parents who happen to own multiple properties around town.

Premier of the Democratic People’s Republic of Victoria, Dan Andrews, announced a temporary levy on landlords and successful businesses to bring the state back from the financial brink. While usually supportive of Dan’s policies, Mel Greenbrayer thought it was so random that people like her parents, who voted for Dan, have now become a target.

“I think it’s great that the businesses that profited off the pandemic are being taxed to repay the debt that the government went into in order to keep us safe and well,” she said.

“But like, I know landlords are scum, but my parents are nice landlords. There are literally thousands of other things that Dan could’ve taxed. Like, he’s taxing my parents for providing a service to people. They’ve only increased their rent modestly this year. Some of my parents’ tenants send them Christmas cards. They could’ve taxed, like, petrol cars or something. It’s just so random.”

When asked what her parents drove, Ms. Greenbrayer frowned.

“Uh, like my Dad drives a Tesla but the cheap base model one, and my Mum has an electric Volvo because her dad, my grandpa, died last year and she got left a little bit of money, so she splurged and got the car of her dreams. They also bought a row of terrace houses in Richmond, booted the tenants, renovated them, and now rent them out to the work-from-home class for thousands,” she said.

“Like, I get it, I’m from Brighton. I know I haven’t exactly got the Fitzroy houso background that every other beanie-wearing Smith Street fuckboy tries to imply after they’ve had four pints of craft beer. Sure. But what I’m saying is that going after normal, lower-middle-class people like my parents isn’t the answer here. We should be going after people who smoke and play the pokies. What about a pokie tax?”

“What about taxing meat? Or taxing sugar? An extra state tax on tobacco would rake in billions. My parents worked hard; they shouldn’t be punished.”

More to come.


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