ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Former Prime Minister John Howard has been placed back into suspended animation after his work campaigning for the NSW Liberals this past month.

Mr Howard was frozen this morning and placed in a cryogenic laboratory at the NSW Liberal Party headquarters on Bent Street, where he will be kept until next year’s Queensland State Election, where he will no doubt be utilized alongside Peter Dutton, known locally as the thinking man’s Peter Garrett.

Over the past few weeks, Mr Howard has been wheeled about Western Sydney by the Liberal Party hive mind in an effort to sway votes away from Labor and independent candidates of that ilk.

One of the chief strategists for the NSW Liberals has admitted to The Advocate today that while the former Prime Minister still commands a lot of respect from people in the community, his influence is beginning to wane.

“We thought having John Howard at a number of events would draw people in but yeah, it turns out Western Sydney is a lot younger than it was,” they said.

“Also, there are a lot of people now who don’t know who he is. To many out in Western Sydney, he’s just a confused old man being ushered through public spaces like a stud pig at the Easter Show. Sure, there are many senile old Baby Boomers who came out of the woodwork to kiss the ring of the man who designed the tax policies that allowed them to steal and hoard wealth from future generations, but they’re starting to slow down now,”

“However, it can’t be argued that he’s still a potent political force. But he is a polarizing figure. Some want him tried at The Hague for his part in the murder of a million Iraqis during an illegal invasion and occupation of a sovereign nation. Some want him knighted for his services to Baby Boomers and their ungrateful c**t children that complain about not being able to afford anything,”

“No doubt we’ll see him in action again soon. Unless [David] Crisafulli asks him to stay the f**k away.”

More to come.


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