WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Many Australians have this week been rattled by the news that the price of alcohol could go up AGAIN.
Known as a nation with an extremely high level of alcohol consumption per capita, rises in the price of grog are always much maligned.
With the day of a 5 dollar schooner long in the rear view, a new price rise is set to come into force in the coming weeks.
The rise comes as part of the new excise, which changes twice a year in line with inflation.
It will see the government tax on pure alcohol (AKA that 100% shit) rise from $100.05 to $101.85 a litre.
While it’s actually a tiny hike and very much forecast for, it will likely see the price of a pint of schooner go up at the tap.
So, if you are worried, he’s a quick list of easy money saving hacks for a night out.
- Little Fat Lamb – If you were lucky enough to be part of the LFL generation then you’ll know exactly why this is right up the list. Beautiful, sugary, strong, and CHEAP. Plough through a 1.25 litre bottle of this before you get to the pub or club, and I can promise you, you will not need many schooners at all.
- Fill a baby food satchel with Aldi vodka and put it in your undies or bra: Look, certainly not the most glamorous way of saving money. But pretty foolproof. Eat, drink or tip out a baby food or yoghurt sachet and top it up with cheap spirits. Slides easily under your clothes and the squeezy nature of the vessel makes it a dream to squirt into a schooner of soda water that you got your mate to order with his beers (so the bar tender hopefully pours it for free).
- 5 Litre Coolabah Cask – Doesn’t have to be Coolabah. 4 or 5 litres of nice cheap wine that can be drunk by itself or with a nice drop of cordial. Bit trickier to sneak these into a venue given the cumbersome nature of a big sack, but a water bottle of the stuff on the way out the door can get you a real buzz before you roll up to your local watering hole.
- Start harvesting a ‘personal’ amount of cannabis: Refer to your relevant state or territory law on this one, but if you keep a plant or two for your own personal use, then if you do ended up getting nabbed, it should only be a minor slap on the wrist.
- Develop a pokies addiction and lose control of your finances but get free beers – This one is fairly nihilistic and not really recommended, but if you want to go down this path you can save money on beers by getting very cheap or even free schooners. You do need to spend quite a bit of time and money on the reverse ATM’s for this one, so it’s not for the faint hearted or anyone who values their children eating vegetables.
- Sweeping the pub/bar: This one will get you some funny looks, but it shouldn’t. You are stopping good produce from going to waste. Whenever you hop up to go to the toilet, just quickly suss any empty tables that might have a few sips of a lukewarm beer.