WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

The nation’s favourite airline has today confirmed that times have been tough over the last few months and years.

Qantas and its subsidiary Jetstar have fronted the media this morning claiming the company has posted a massive loss of $860 million – which has absolutely nothing to do with offsetting the massive profits they are about to rake in over the next couple of years.

This follows last year’s papers which revealed a loss of $1.8 billion.

Those claims come despite receiving roughly $2 billion from the federal government over the last couple of years, and a huge number of people using the airline in the recent explosion of travel.

While prices have been jacked up significantly since 2020, the airline says it has struggled through the last twelve months, experiencing issues with staff, logistics, and equipment.

However, while it has struggled and apparently been forced to lay off staff, the airline’s CEO Alan Joyce has confirmed there is still room for tens of millions of dollars in executive pay and salaries.

“I know we are posting record losses and the company’s public standing is at an all-time low, but huge bonuses and salaries are our god-given right,” explained the airline boss who owns a 25 million dollar mansion.

“We’ve done such a good job managing the company, and we deserve these giant pay packets.”

“I used to pay myself like 20 million bucks a year, so only taking home 3 or 4 million is a serious demotion okay.”

“That’s just the way the world works,” said the man who has run a previously publicly owned national company into the ground, under the promise it would be more efficient and profitable.

“Besides, you’ll see why we can justify those payments when we make profits next year, that we won’t have to pay tax on because we got fancy accountants to do all of their tricks like writing off old planes so we can claim we are running at a loss this year” he winked.


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