ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Former Prime Minister Paul Keating’s lasting legacy on the country is a casino district beside the nation’s largest open-air sewer, he says.

Barangaroo sits on what was once a shipping freight terminal. Now, it’s an expensive, socially-desolate colostomy bag glued to the bloated thorax of a central business district that’s got just as much going on. Wynyard is the stoma.

Those sentiments were echoed by some long-suffering Sydney shitebag from one of those soulless suburbs on the fringe, who visited Barangaroo this morning for the first time.

“Wow,” he said.

“This place sucks.”

The man, James John Jones James, a 35-year-old who does something with a computer in an office that’s in the shadow of the Hillsong Church out on the high road to Lithgow, was in the area and wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

“I was in Clover’s Caliphate (City of Sydney LGA) for work and thought I’d go and take a look at this brand new weeping anal fissure that Paul “Chinese Spy” Keating has gifted us all. I call it Clover’s Caliphate because if you swim against her dream of a Sydney for rich north shore boomer shitbags and their fat yuppie children gentrifying the city, you’ll get chopped up like a Saudi journalist. Trust me, I live in the Lower Blue Mountains. But I’m not from there. So anyway, the first place I went to, they wanted $21 for a chicken burger. I told them to shove it up their arse, with the $3 extra chilli sauce on top. Then I went to the casino and they didn’t let me in because I was wearing wet boardshorts,”

“So yeah, I went to a sushi train but it was $9 a plate. I mean, what do people do around there for lunch? You’d have to have more money than James Packer’s alphadog father Kerry to eat there. After a few internal come-to-Jesus moments, I walked back to the city and used my Hungry Jacks app to get a good deal,”

“To top it all off, buses are replacing trains to Katoomba so fuck me. All those think pieces in The Inner Sydney Morning Herald got the best of me, got me thinking about Barangaroo. I should never have come here.”

More to come.


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