EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

The Australian Bureau of Statistics has released a new definition of socio economic classes today, confirming what everyone knows already – the state of this country is well and truly fucked.

Unlike the older generation, where the middle class was defined by owning a three bedroom home and having multiple children, today’s middle class can be best defined as a couple who makes enough money to rent a one bedroom place that allows pets – a feat that has grown increasingly harder for those who live in popular cities such as Melbourne and Sydney.

So rapidly moving is this class disparity that last generation’s middle class is now considered the most privileged today, as anyone who owns a home without a ridiculous mortgage, within 45 minutes of the CBD, is doing ‘extremely well.’

Put simply, upper, middle and lower class are now defined by whether you have kids, pets, or a wilting Devil’s Ivy plant.

The Advocate takes to the streets to learn more.

“Oh yeah, we live in constant fear”, says Sydney man Ben Houston, 32, “my girlfriend and I were able to find a unicorn within 50 minutes of the CBD, but we’re aware we could be thrown out or hit with a rental hike any day.”

“We have two small dogs, so the chances of finding another pet-friendly apartment would be extremely difficult.”

“You can just never feel settled.”

Another woman, Melbourne local Anna Kloss, 32, admits she’s terrified of her future, and that she’s ‘nowhere near where she wanted to be at this age.’

“Right now my prospects are paying $350 a week to live in a rundown, four bedroom house with a revolving door of European roommates, or getting a partner so I can split a studio”, says Anna.

“And it’s just getting worse and worse. What’s it going to look like in five years? Ten years? Are we all going to be living in share rooms? Will I have to live hours away from family and friends to survive?”

“I accepted I wouldn’t be able to afford a house long ago, but now I can’t even afford to rent a shitbox studio.”

“Our future’s been sold to the highest bidder, and I’m fucking angry.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here