RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

A Sydney rail commuter has laughed his head off during his morning commute today after reading about how so-called ‘progressive’ Victoria has only just started trialling the use of debit cards as a way to pay for a simple train fare.

Something that, according to Adam Orbost (30), Sydney has had on the go for at least 20 years now.

With tears streaming down his cheeks passing through Erskineville Station, Orbost gleefully remembered all those Melburnians he’d heard brag about how their State is light years ahead of NSW when it comes to anything cultural or technological.

Even though they can’t even pay for a simple train fare with their debit card. Something that modern, civilised Sydneysiders have been taking for granted since before Covid. No, 20th Century Victorians need to buy a ‘My Key’ tool or whatever prehistoric bullshit system it is they refuse to give up. In fact, Orbost had to think twice to be sure Victorians weren’t still using those paper Metcards. “Surely not?” He asked himself with concern.

As Orbost’s two storey train careened effortlessly into the far-more-beautiful-than-Melbourne Harbour City of Sydney, he had to laugh. Those miserable cold weather sad sacks scuttling about their meaningless lives. Thinking they’re the epitome of culture. All the while not realising that Sydney has and always will be the country’s premier, modern, global metropolis. The only place in the country where anything actually important happens.

“Can’t even use their card to pay a train fare,” he quietly cackled as he hopped off the train and exited the turnstile with an easy glide of his debit card.

With the warm 27 degrees winter sunshine beaming down upon his tanned face as it does every single day even during Winter here in Australia’s most futuristic city, Orbost spared a thought for those idiotic Aussies who choose to remain in the freezing darkness of Victoria.

“At least a few of them were smart enough to get up to QLD during Lockdowns,” he conceded while unconsciously imagining having to buy some kind of archaic single-use ‘My Key Train Fare Tool’ and top it up with ‘Train Credits’ just to catch a simple train.

“Stupid Victoria,” he muttered.


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