TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact

Chinese technology company Huawei could have the answers disgruntled Australians are looking for when it comes to our third-world quality internet services. However, anti-espionage units down in Canberra are preventing the tech giant from connecting us, all for our own safety, apparently.

They seem to be missing one key thing though. In a developed country with one of the strongest economies and the CSIRO, people are displeased that their internet speeds are worse than a war-torn country like Britain and, quite frankly, at this stage are willing to try anything.

Betoota’s biggest internet user and avid gamer, Linden Archphale, acts as the voice of the people on this particular topic.

“If letting our neighbours spy on us gets us better internet, then so be it”

“They’re not that bad. Think of what this dumpster fire of a continent would be without them?”

In a recent poll carried out by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, an unsurprising 74% of Australians agree with what Mr Archphale is saying. Rather ironically, the ABS had to carry out this simple poll over a two-month period due to Australia’s slow internet speeds, ABS Chief Polling Officer, Dylan Hoskins, explains.

“The website actually kept crashing and a lot of participants said that their poll didn’t even load”

“It’s a bit embarrassing, really.”

It’s understood that Linden has built a website, [removed], which is essentially an online petition that he hopes will get the attention of the folks down in Canberra, and maybe even some decent internet.

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