In a visit to a French quarter cafe’s bathroom, Bridget Jenkins (27), tried to unsuccessfully refresh her Instagram feed at least three times, it is understood.

The cafe bathroom is a known reception black spot, which often breeds desperation in the minds of excretors as they’re faced with the prospect of dealing with their head noises instead of numbing them with social media like they usually would.

Bridget is considered one of the lucky ones by only having to refresh her feed three times, there have been reports indicating that people have mindlessly refreshed the app upwards of 15 times.

There is in fact one man who refreshed his Instagram account over 20 times, our reporters tracked down this man however he was unable to comment, on account of him being of unsound mind in a remote asylum in the Diamantina region somewhere.

The Advocate caught up with Bridget shortly after her bathroom visit to see how she was feeling about the whole ordeal.

“Ugh it was the fucking worst, like get wifi or something”

“I nearly started to actually think about stuff”

“But then I tried to refresh it again and my mind was consumed by the prospect of the app actually refreshing.”

“Thank god it’s working again now though, I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t constantly refresh my feed every 30 seconds. Who knows how much I would miss?”

“I don’t even want to think about it” finished Bridget, mindlessly refreshing her feed again to avoid actually thinking.

More to come.


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