EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

In some surprising news, domestic airline Qantas has yet again found themselves trending for having no regard for their passengers, by denying on-flight meals to people with dietary requirements.

This commitment to cutting costs at the expense of their passengers now sees a ‘one size fits all menu’, which would have angered fewer people had it been a vegetarian option – and not fucking chicken.

However, this weird decision to offer only chicken pies (which would also be expensive to make) means that everyone from vegetarians to vegans, and celiacs will be pissed off.

But despite all the backlash, CEO Alan Joyce has committed to this decision, stating that he’s been pretty confused as “he didn’t think vegetarians were capable of having a beef.”

“Just eat the fucking crackers, I don’t care”, said Joyce, rather dismissively, “and stop carrying on like a pork chop.”

When told this issue wouldn’t only affect vegetarians, Joyce just lets out a snort and says surely people can go a few hours without eating.

“Vegans can suck eggs honestly, bring a carrot on the plane if you’re so bothered.”

“And if they’re lactose intolerant?”


“What are you going to do about it?”


More to come.


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