ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights man is unimpressed with NASA’s recent effort to crash a satellite into an asteroid.

Damien Clark says he’s done something much more impressive.

“I was the guy who put his Celica into the only pole in the ALDI carpark last year,” said the 28-year-old carpenter.

“Yes, I was doing donuts. I was absolutely sending it. What the video didn’t show you was the dozen or so perfect figure eights I’d done in the lead up. The only reason why I crashed is because my rear tyres looked like Gorden Tallis in downward dog,”

“Smoother than a dolphin. Smoother than a dolphin in a tuxedo nonetheless.”

When NASA crashed an satellite into an asteroid earlier this week, Damien said that paled in comparison to what he achieved because he’s only one man.

“They reckon it was something like flying a pigeon through the eye of a needle on the other side of the country. I reckon that’s a load of shit. They’re not using an abacus and slide rulers anymore. They have computers to work all that shit out for them these days,” he said.

“Just think about it. There’s fucking millions of satellites and asteroids up there. Fucking heaps. There’s only one pole in the ALDI carpark and there was only one Celica. I rest my case.”

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here