ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A 55-year-old hedonist from our town’s Heights district has decided today is the day he’s going to give quitting the darts a red hot crack.

In addition to quitting the lung lollies, Wal Mammoth said he plans to eat a more balanced diet and control his portions in light of the death of the people’s cricketer, Shane Warne.

“It’s certainly put the fear of God in me, that’s for sure,” he said.

“The only exercise I’ve done since I was a young fella is getting in and out of the Prado. If it can happen to Shane, it can happen to me.”

Wal said he smokes around 10 cigarettes a day, which is down from a pack a day he was smoking a few years ago.

“Most of them are on the weekend, when I’m down at the club. During the week, I can go a day without smoking. Most of the time, I smoke 20 cigarettes in one day after golf. That’s got to stop,” he said.

“And I think I’ll get one of those push buggies for golf now instead of driving myself around in a cart. I might even start walking to work, one good thing about not road running in your 20s is that your knees aren’t completely ruined when you’re 50. So mine are pretty good,”

“My diet, that needs a bit of work. I wouldn’t blink at having a bacon and egg roll for breakfast, McDonald’s for lunch. Well, I’d have a McChicken with a water so it’s healthy. Then for dinner, I’d eat something like pasta or whatever until I was distended,”

“Well, I need to change that. I think a lot of blokes around the country who aren’t ready to leave this world need to change the way they live,”

“So today, I’m getting the salad.”

More to come.


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