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A recent graduate of the town’s leafiest school for boys’ school announced to his fellow travellers that he’s managed to source some cocaine despite nobody in particular asking for it.

What makes this somewhat banal development newsworthy is the fact that the 23-year-old Stirling-John James-Nougat is at the FIFA World Cup in Qatar, where getting caught with bags doesn’t result in someone picking up the phone and calling Dad.

In fact, Stirling-John is the youngest son of local magistrate Percy-John James Nougat. Justice James-Nougat is known for this tough stance on drug offences and without proper counsel and a litany of stunning character references, he often refuses bail for any drug offence.

One young man who’s travelling with Stirling-John spoke very briefly to The Advocate via Signal, where they detailed exactly what happened last night.

“We went to the game and then we made the trip back to the hotel,” they said.

“Once we got back to the hotel bar, Stirling[-John] said he’d be back in a minute and to order him another beer. After about 40 minutes, he comes back to the bar and a flat beer with a big smile on his face. We asked him what he was smiling about and he showed us four bags of cocaine,”

“We freaked out.”

When his mates asked him what the hell he was doing, Stirling-John told them to “relax”.

“He said, ‘Bro, as if they’d shoot me. My Dad is a judge. Albo would have me on the next flight out of here,’ like he actually believed it. He got a Section 10 in NSW for getting done with cocaine at the pub and I reckon they’d find that. It was in The Advocate, I remember reading it,”

“He wouldn’t get a Section 10 here, he’d get a Section 10mm through the back of the head. Then probably another in the brainstem to stop his body from seizing wildly after the first shot. He’s such an entitled little cunt, we told him to get rid of them.”

When asked if he tried any, his mate started typing then deleted everything then began typing again.

“Yeah,” they said.

“It wasn’t actually that bad. The rush was insane. So naughty.”

More to come.


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