ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A largely self-made French Quarter woman told The Advocate this afternoon that her husband was under the impression who was going to get their reproductive organs decommissioned was up for discussion.

Diane Staple, the founding principal agent at Staple & Co Buyers And Estates, recounted a weekend discussion with her artist husband Martin who expressed concern over getting his plums de-stoned.

“You know what he said,” said Diane.

A cough-laugh shot from her mouth like a 410 going off on the back verandah.

“He said it would be better if I had a hysterectomy over him getting a vasectomy. Can you believe that? We’ve had two children and by the grace of God, we had them young. There’s still a lot of movement at the station in terms of our reproductive capability and the thought of getting pregnant at 42 makes me actually want to projectile vomit all over the table,”

“So, I told him, either get them unhooked or buy some shares in Ansell. The fucking hide on him. My God, I laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed.”

However, when our reporter spoke briefly to Martin via telephone this morning, he didn’t see the funny side.

The dejected video artist and musician said it’s pretty normal these days for a husband to live off an allowance his partner give them and that just because he’s not the bread-winner doesn’t mean his feelings don’t matter.

“You know, she runs a lot of her business through Hong Kong and keeps the house in her brother’s name so it’s not like I can divorce her, can I? Her on paper income in Australia is something like $25 000 or something. The kids are nearly finished high school so I’m effectively trapped,” he said.

“Now she’s telling me to get a vasectomy. I spoke to my brother about it and he just laughed, too. He said my balls have been in Diane’s top drawer since 2003. Not very helpful,”

“I don’t know what do to? What do you reckon I should do?”

Our reporter indicated that he should probably just get the vasectomy.

Martin let out another pathetic sigh.

“Looks like it’s unavoidable.”

More to come.


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