ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has spent the morning at The National Zoo in Canberra where he paid a visit to the beavers because, in his own words, only they understand his love for a good dam.

It comes as the Federal Government earmarked $7.5bn for regional dam projects, which political commentators have said was to get the Nationals over the line when it came to Net Zero by 2050.

However, a growing chorus of chortling sideline-sitters has said that some of the dams that Barnaby wants to build don’t actually have a business plan or even a valid reason for existing.

“Which is why I visit the beavers,” said Joyce today to our reporter.

Barnaby was joined by our reporters during his stroll through the zoo today.

“They don’t listen to studies, they don’t sit in offices in Canberra or Sydney. Or even our national hemorrhoid, Melbourne. They hear running water and they have an instinct to immediately stop it. I have that same instinct,” he said.

“Beavers, while it’s a shame they aren’t native to Australia, know the challenges that people in the bush face. They face issues of water security, jobs and other things like having hospitals that the locals refer to as ‘the abattoirs’. Nearly all of those problems can be solved by having water security, which will make us more productive as a nation,”

“But what would I know? I’m just a bloke from Danglemah. I’m not a culture vulture. I can eat 15 tacos in one sitting. I can run a six-minute mile. Just look at the beavers, do they look happy?”

Our reporter’s observation suggested that the beavers didn’t seem very happy.

“I agree. They don’t look happy. Because there’s no running water for them to dam. There’s none left in their enclosure,” he said.

“My biggest fear is that will happen to me one day. Nothing left to dam.”

More to come.


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